Ontario Children's Grief Awareness Family Days. Free public events

Am honoured to be a new partner agency with the Children and Youth Grief Network (CYGN). The CYGN is a collaborative of agencies and organizations that work to support grieving families of all ages.

The CYGN recognizes that "the support received by a grieving child or youth can significantly influence his/her wellbeing. As a result we aim to connect individuals and organizations who provide services and resources that benefit children and youth who are grieving a death."

As the CYGN Mission is "to advocate for educational opportunities and support services that will benefit children and youth who are grieving the dying or the death of someone they care about", in support of National Bereavement Day, the CYGN is offering 2 free community events to support grieving families.

These events are intended for parents/caregivers and their children/teens (under 18 yrs of age) who have experienced the death of a parent/caregiver, child/sibling.

This event is offered for the whole family. Children will participate in facilitated creative activities with trained grief experts, while parents/caregivers will attend a panel presentation and discussions to explore coping strategies and grief support featuring grief professionals and other bereaved families. 

Come explore grief and bereavement coping strategies specifically for families with children and teens. Connect with peers and learn more about the resources available in your community while enjoying the support of caring professionals and other families who share the grief experience.

Snacks, local grief and bereavement resources and gift bag included. 

Reserve your FREE Ontario Children's Grief Awareness Family Day seats via Eventbrite.

2 Dates and 2 Locations!

November 4th @ Wellspring Birmingham Gilgan House (Oakville) https://www.eventbrite.com/e/ontario-childrens-grief-awareness-family-day-oakville-location-tickets-38670386166

November 25th @ Wellspring Chinguacousy (Brampton) https://www.eventbrite.com/e/ontario-childrens-grief-awareness-family-day-brampton-location-tickets-38670961888

Unfinished Business in Families of Terminally Ill with Cancer Patients

" Families with unfinished business had significantly higher depression and grief scores after bereavement compared with those without."

Source: Unfinished Business in Families of Terminally Ill with Cancer Patients

“We know nothing about what is next” — Lessons on Loving & Losing a Child.

"I cannot control their world, nor prevent them from all harm. All I can do is try and focus on the now. Focus on what matters... And love them. I can love them in every way I know how."

Source: “We know nothing about what is next”—Lessons on Loving & Losing a Child.

Joe Primo on Supporting Grieving Children

"There is a cultural narrative that tells us that bad things don’t happen to good people. As a result, we spend a lot of time protecting kids from natural life events, like death."

Source: Joe Primo on Supporting Grieving Children. Option B

Parenting Through Illness & Grief

"This one page handout provides an overview of the findings from a research study of parent caregivers. The study was conducted as a collaboration between Dr. Jay Children`s Grief Centre and the Nanny Angel Network" 

Source: Parenting Through Illness & Grief. Canadian Virtual Hospice

Grief In The Classroom: 'Saying Nothing Says A Lot'

" 'Virtually all children will go through it — but that doesn't mean it's a normalizing experience,' says Dr. David Schonfeld, an expert on student grief and a driving force behind the new website. 'Even though it's common, it warrants our attention.' "

Source: Grief In The Classroom: 'Saying Nothing Says A Lot'

Camp Erin: Where Children and Teens Learn to Grieve and Heal

Am honoured to volunteer with Camp Erin. It is indeed a remarkable community and one that nurtures capacity in children and youth to grieve the death of a loved one.

"Children and teens ages 6-17 attend a transformational weekend camp that combines traditional, fun camp activities with grief education and emotional support, free of charge for all families. Led by grief professionals and trained volunteers, Camp Erin provides a unique opportunity for youth to increase levels of hope, enhance self-esteem, and especially to learn that they are not alone.

Camp Erin is offered in every Major League Baseball city as well as additional locations across the U.S. and Canada. The Moyer Foundation partners with hospices and bereavement organizations to bring hope and healing to thousands of grieving children and teens each year.

Camp Erin allows youth to:

• Tell their story in a safe environment
• Process grief in healthy ways
• Meet friends facing similar circumstances
• Learn they are not alone
• Build a tool-box of coping skills
• Honor and memorialize loved ones
• Have fun!"

Source: Camp Erin. The Moyer Foundation 

For information on Camp Erin locations in Ontario, please visit: Camp Erin Hamilton; Camp Erin Toronto; Camp Erin Eastern Ontario; Camp Erin Montreal

Camp Erin offers a weekend for kids coping with grief and loss

"We strongly believe that the Camp Erin experience is life-changing. Family members and caregivers experiencing their own grief, while simultaneously helping their child to grieve, are often overwhelmed and feel helpless. Grief left unchecked can lead to depression, behavioural issues, suicide and substance abuse.

Much of what is addressed at camp is the isolation kids feel around their grief; it is a poignant experience for the campers to have the chance to go away for three days, (oftentimes, these kids have never been up north) with other people their own age, forming a bond over their loss. Camp Erin is a safe place for young people to identify with other kids who are feeling the same emotions, including anger, worry, guilt and often, a "Why me?" outlook.

When kids come back from camp, at ease and with the confidence to talk about their grief, it gets passed along to their parents."

Full article: Camp Erin offers a weekend for kids coping with loss

When Grief Gets Physical: dealing with physical grief symptoms

"There is simply no way to anticipate what grief feels like.  It is one of those experiences that you can describe to someone, but it is impossible to really understand it until you are forced to live with it.  Of all the unimaginable aspects of grief, there is one thing we hear people say time and again that they really didn’t expect: physical grief symptoms. They might not have been fully able to appreciate the emotional rollercoaster of grief until they were on it, but they at least had a sense it was part of the process.  The physical stuff is something many people tell us they simply didn’t know to expect until it hit them like a ton of bricks.

When this happens, it can be distressing.  Anytime we have new, uncomfortable physical issues it is distressing.  But in grief that can sometimes be coupled with a new level of anxiety.  In the past, a headache was a headache.  After the devastating loss of a loved one, you are all-to-familiar with the reality that life can turn on a dime."

Read the full article at What's Your Grief

A Therapeutic Intervention Facilitating Connection in the Context of Life-Limiting Illness

Elizabeth Dougherty - 13th Annual Innovations in Palliative Care

This video provides a brief overview of an expressive arts project that I complete with families of all ages, following the diagnosis of a life-limiting illness, through to end-of-life and into bereavement. Presented at the 13th Annual Innovations in Palliative Care – Leadership, Courage & Community. McMaster University. Department of Family Medicine. Division of Palliative Care. Faculty of Health Sciences (November 2016). This project serves as a therapeutic intervention facilitating communication and honouring connections in the context of life-limiting illness and can be completed by anyone, anywhere at any time. 

It’s a profoundly intimate experience when we are allowed to care for someone… that compassionate connection can transcend so many barriers, and can sometimes even transcend suffering. That connection can be extraordinary.

We all have a role to play in helping to honour someone’s legacy. I believe as Health Care Professionals, like those we care for - we can be courageous in the face of illness, and vulnerability and uncertainty…

We can step out from behind the protection of our roles and in doing so, provide invaluable opportunities for families to connect, and collectively process experiences from time of diagnosis through to end-of-life and into bereavement. 

Source: You Tube. A Therapeutic Intervention Facilitating Connection in the Context of Life-Limiting Illness

Treating troubled family dynamics reduces complicated grief

“Professor David Kissane, who heads the department of psychiatry at Monash University in Melbourne, has developed a family-focussed model of grief therapy to prevent complicated bereavement. A trial published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology earlier this year found the therapy reduced the severity of complicated grief in high-risk families and the development of prolonged grief disorder.

Professor Kissane says bereavement therapy for families is more effective than therapy for individuals when grief is being perpetuated by dysfunctional family relationships. He says the most common family configuration he sees is parents and their children, but for some families it includes a neighbour, grandparents or aunts and uncles.

‘Family centred care is based on the idea that families that grieve together stay together and they heal their grief very well,’ he tells Palliative Matters.”

64 New Year’s Resolutions for Grievers

“One of my favorites was a beautiful comment from Jeannette Brown, a Buddhist, who explained that “rather than make resolutions for grief, every morning and every evening we pray (by chanting, our form of prayer) for the happiness or repose of all of the deceased. We believe that if we continue our growth and pursuit of happiness, our deceased family and friends will continue to become happy as well”.   I love that sentiment so much, but as someone who just barely manages to commit to a shower every day, resolutions admittedly help keep me on track.

Whatever is right for you, grief resolution or no grief resolution, we hope you find the list of ideas… helpful in thinking about how you will grieve in the new year.”

Grief: Special Days and Holidays. @VictoriaHospice

"After someone dies, you may find that your grief surfaces again and again. Often this seems to happen ‘out of the blue’ and it may feel like an unwelcome intrusion. You may have been enjoying yourself one moment and then be in tears the next. You may also notice that certain days, holidays or public events are more likely or return..."

~Grief: Special Days and Holidays

Tips for Coping with Grief at the Holidays @WhatsYourGrief

"Because the holidays are tough for all of us, the least we can do are share our tips and tricks with one another to make the season just a smidge more tolerable." ~What's Your Grief

Children's Grief Awareness Day November 17, 2016 #CGADHOPE

"Children's Grief Awareness Day is designed to help us all become more aware of the needs of grieving children — and of the benefits they obtain through the support of others. Children's Grief Awareness Day is an opportunity to make sure that grieving children receive the support they need.”

An Innovative Approach to Family-Centred Legacy Projects

I am a Palliative Social Worker and for the past 17 years have had the privilege of caring for people facing a life-limiting illness.  It is an intimate and profound experience - sitting alongside people as they face end-of-life.  They share their hopes and fears - about living and dying - and about caring for and leaving behind those they love.  Trying to protect their families while also wanting to prepare them.  Grieving these losses begins at time of diagnosis.

I recognize the importance of creating safe spaces and making time to have these essential conversations.  A specific legacy project creates opportunities for the individual and family* to do just that - to hold on, while letting go.  We meet together to explore the impact of the illness, to talk about goals and plans, to acknowledge their grief and honour connections.  This project can be completed with families large or small, and include children of all ages.  That Project? While the results have been profound, the activity is, quite simply, creating a “Hug”. 

The physical embrace of a Hug is comforting for anyone in a time of need.  In this instance, it is a creative legacy project that can be completed by anyone, anywhere at any time and is then exchanged as a lasting memento.  The Hug can be taken to any significant place or event: to school, a little-league playoff game, during an admission to hospital or hospice, or even once someone has died, these hugs can be buried or cremated and remain with a loved one forever.

Although tantamount to making a scarf, it is more importantly symbolic of the outstretched arms of a loved one, it becomes a personalized “Hug”.  The components are basic… a flat sheet, markers or fabric paint, scissors and willing participants.  After laying a sheet on the ground, one person lays on top of the sheet while another traces around their outstretched arms and hands.  After sitting up, lines are drawn connecting each arm and then taking scissors, cut along the outline.  Each Hug is then adorned with messages and images of the shared connection and becomes a tangible expression of their love. 

I have completed this activity with anyone wanting to participate, whether ambulatory or bed-bound.  For those who are bed-bound, after carefully sliding a sheet behind their shoulders, the family tenderly helps to hold and trace their outstretched arms and hands.  Throughout this activity, the individual and family share stories and a profound connection, with each gentle movement and precious memory cultivating an incredibly intimate experience.

Language, distance or time do not serve as barriers.  I have completed this activity when families speak a language different from my own.  Despite communicating through an Interpreter, the conversation remains seamless throughout as the family creates a beautiful and moving tribute while supporting each other in their shared love and grief.  This supportive intervention has also bridged great distances, even though families were thousands of miles apart, they completed and sent their personalized hugs via courier to be at the bedside of their dying loved one.  I have also completed this project with children following the death of a parent (many of whom had not been informed about the disease or prognosis in advance).  Although a parent - or any loved one might die before the family has an opportunity to have these conversations, it is so important to facilitate therapeutic activities to collectively express their grief while honouring the connection with their loved one.  

While this “Hug” is essentially an expressive arts project, it creates and holds significant therapeutic value for all involved.  It is a collaborative experience for the family to honour connections while preserving a legacy.  Though each experience is unique, what remains universal are the shared laughs, tears and a multitude of stories - whether with a partner, children, grandchildren, siblings, parents, cousins, friends (or all of the above), they create reminders of shared experiences, connections and precious memories. 

I believe as Health Care Professionals, we can provide invaluable opportunities for families to connect, and collectively process experiences from time of diagnosis through to end-of-life and into bereavement.  I feel extraordinarily privileged that families allow me into their lives - however brief, I hold that time as sacred and do all I can to foster these connections while honouring the legacy of those living and dying.

(family* is defined by the individual - be it partner, children, parents, siblings, neighbour, friend, etc.)

If You’re Grieving, You’re Not Alone. Here Are 15 Stories That May Help.

“There is no schedule for when you should feel certain emotions, or be over others. Choose to stand up for you and the rest of your life, and choose to move on. You don’t have to figure out how you’re going to get through the rest of your life. Just focus on staying in the game and moving forward now. It is normal to cry and be depressed, but you need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.” 

The Quiet Blessing of Grief That Never Ends

“If you’re feeling sorry for me, please, don’t. During the hours I was tossed by this unanticipated wave of sorrow, I knew I could tolerate my sadness. Time has taught me that these waves come — and then go.

Perhaps more surprising, even as I lay curled in a soggy heap, I felt grateful for this wallop of forever-after grief. It provided reassurance that my sister hasn’t faded to a beloved, but distant, memory. Instead, for those hours, Pooz was once again a vivid presence in my mind and heart. There was pain, yes, but there was also the solace of knowing that she is still very much with me.

I count that as a blessing. Amen.”

How To Support A Young Person Through Grief

“This early interaction with death is overwhelming, but a pivotal point for learning. This grief acts as a blueprint for not just how these young people process death, but their approach to the many challenges they will face in life.

If you are struggling to help a teenager with their grief, know that your concern is evidence of your care. There is nothing that can make this not awful, so don't make your aim to stop the tears, but rather to support them in what they need. Respecting their needs shows them that you believe in their ability to know what's best for themselves. You're doing good.”

Camp Erin Hamilton. Fun #Camp for #Children and #Youth with #Grief #Support and #Education @moyerfoundation

“Camp Erin Hamilton is an annual three-day camp experience offered at no charge and facilitated by professional staff and trained volunteers of the Dr. Bob Kemp Hospice and Bereaved Families of Ontario - Hamilton/ Burlington. The camp is for children ages 6 to 17 who have experienced the death of someone close to them. Camp Erin Hamilton combines a traditional, high-energy, fun camp with grief support and education.”