How to Survive The Holidays When You're Grieving

How to Survive The Holidays When You're Grieving via Megan Devine

"The holiday seasons adds an extra measure of pain to people already bearing more than they can, more than they should ever have to. There is the empty seat at the table, the heaviness of all the ways the one you love is missing, traditions that have gone flat, smacking against the empty place.

Death, illness, massive life events — they all sour the season in ways those outside your loss can’t understand. Given that this season is going to be rough, how will you survive? Here are some of my holiday survival rules from my own early days. Remember, whatever you choose to do (or not do) this holiday season, staying true to yourself is important.

If you have someone who consistently tries to talk you out of your 'no,' you might respond by calling them out on their coercion: 'I keep telling you no, and you keep trying to convince me that I’m wrong. I need you to respect my decision.' Friends and family get to feel disappointed in your no, but they don’t get to force you to say yes.

Whether you are missing someone who should be part of the festivities, or you are missing someone who shared your love of quiet acknowledgment over raucous partying, this season will likely add to your grief.

Companion yourself. Care for yourself. Listen to yourself. Reach out where it feels good to reach, curl in when that is what you need. Make this season as much of a comfort to yourself as you can.

May your holiday season (or non-holiday, depending) be as safe, and full of love and connection as it can be.”

Visit refugeingrief.com for more Grief Support.

Grief & the Holidays: 6 Things to Remember

In the midst of the focus on joy & cheerful celebrations at this time of year, sharing a reminder of "Grief & the Holidays: 6 Things to Remember" via Claire Bidwell Smith

National Grief & Bereavement Day is November 19th

Remember. Reflect. Connect. National Grief and Bereavement Day is November 19, 2024. It is time to reflect and take action, creating connections while navigating grief. 

The third Tuesday in November marks the annual National Grief and Bereavement Day in Canada. On this day, CHPCA encourages Canadians to engage government and all sectors of Canadian society in a national dialogue to identify and support access to the necessary resources for those living with grief and bereavement.

Grief can make us hesitant to connect with those around us, whether we are the person grieving or someone around them. When someone we know is faced with grief, we can often find ourselves at a loss for words. When we are grieving ourselves, we may not know what support we need.

Grief is Universal. Grief is a common experience we will all share, yet it can often leave us feeling disconnected. We might feel disconnected from our loved ones, from our friends, or from who we used to be.
Finding connection through loss can be a powerful tool to help us move forward and through grief. Something as simple as a phone call, someone reaching out, a hug, a prayer, or a treasured memory shared can bring much needed solace after a loss. 

For more information, or to access a Grief and Bereavement Resource Repository, visit: https://www.chpca.ca/awareness/national-grief-and-bereavement-day/grief-and-bereavement-resource-repository/

Source: CHPCA

Demystifying Grief and Honouring Loss: Exploring Healing While Caring For Others And Ourselves

I am honoured to once again deliver the UGME lecture “Demystifying Grief and Honouring Loss: Exploring Healing While Caring For Others And Ourselves” to the Michael G. DeGroote School of Medicine at McMaster University.

Grief is simply one word that cannot begin to describe a universal, yet uniquely complex and deeply personal, series of life-changing events and losses while still finding ways forward.

Acute care hospitals focus on short-term episodic care & interventions and treatments aimed at cure, creating an environment where death is seen as a failure, or where death is denied. What does this mean when dying and death are inevitable?

It is so essential in whole person and *family-centred care, that we explore impact on the person and family, not just treat part of the body, or acknowledge a fraction of the medical event, or illness. This is true for all we serve, and this is also true for healthcare providers stepping forward to deliver care who are deserving of care and support for themselves.

 What does it mean to explore and honour grief for anyone facing trauma and loss stemming from acute medical events, complex illness, dying, death, bereavement - for any person and family, AND the healthcare providers caring for them?

 A reminder, while largely stigmatized and misunderstood, in the words of Dr. Kenneth Doka,

“Grief is a reaction to loss. We often confuse it as a reaction to death. It’s really just a very natural reaction to loss. When we lose any significant form of attachment, grief is the process of adjusting”

Grief is a process, a uniquely personal ongoing process.

Grief can fracture one’s entire world, temporarily, or permanently.

Following an acute medical event, or a diagnosis, grief can fracture identities, hopes, routines, connections, sense of control and safety. Grief, largely invisible to others, is incredibly isolating, leaving the individual to navigate a fractured world, often alone – even when surrounded by others.

Modern medicine focuses on cure and fixing. In grief, healing focuses on care and process.

Learn to sit with (OR move with) grief as this demonstrates a sense of presence that is open, engaged and compassionate with the process of metabolizing grief, and in doing so, honours the losses, and the connections.

*family is always best defined by the individual we serve, as family, and loss of connections to family, are others sources of trauma and loss.

The largest ever survey on grief in Canada has been released...

The largest ever survey on grief in Canada has been completed and results have been published, though sadly, not surprising...

"Results from the largest grief survey ever conducted in Canada show that the very thing that many people want most when they are grieving - to be asked about their loss - is not how society is likely to respond.

The Canadian Grief Alliance (CGA), Canadian Virtual Hospice has released the findings of its landmark public survey on grief. With nearly 4,000 respondents, the survey is the largest ever on grief in Canada and will inform a National Action Plan for Grief which the CGA will present to the federal government in 2025.

Key findings include:
- 53% of respondents said their grief went largely unrecognized by others
- 50% of respondents felt inadequately supported in their grief
- 83% of respondents identified being asked about their loss as being helpful
- 54% of respondents wanted more access to one-on-one grief counselling
- 52% of respondents thought educating the public on how to better support each other would be helpful

Survey results point to the need to:
- Enhance understanding of loss, grief, and how to provide support among the public and professionals
- Expand access to a spectrum of grief services for both death- and non-death losses.
-Explore in greater detail the grief experiences and needs of people who are: from racialized and marginalized communities; Non-binary; Under age 40".

Source: CGA and Canadian Virtual Hospice

To read more, please visit: CGA Executive Summary

Exploring Grief and Moving Forward After a Pancreatic Cancer Diagnosis

I am honoured to deliver the national webinar, “Exploring Grief and Moving Forward After a Pancreatic Cancer Diagnosis” for Wellspring as they partner with Pancreatic Cancer Canada in support of Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month.

Pancreatic Cancer is often found in later stages because it has relatively few symptoms and is statistically one of the worst cancers for treatment and survival. Anticipatory grief is one of the many unique challenges encountered following a Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis as 70% of people diagnosed with pancreatic cancer do not survive past the first year, which means a Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis can be traumatic for patients and families.

In this webinar we will define Anticipatory Grief and explore some universal sources of grief, while demystifying and acknowledging different types of loss, and consider how we uniquely metabolize grief. Lastly, we will highlight some resources for support and explore considerations for self-care.

Children's Grief Awareness Day (CGAD).

CGAD seeks to raise awareness of the painful impact that the death of a loved one has in the life of a child or teen, and provides an opportunity to make sure that these children and #teens receive the support they need. In just one year, over 203,000 of Canada’s 7.5 million youth under 18 will experience the death of someone in their extended family. 

1 out of every 14 children and teens will experience the death of a #parent, #caregiver or #sibling who lives in their home. These youth experience the ripple effect of multiple losses…

The death of a parent, caregiver or sibling has been found to be one of the most stressful life events that a child or youth can experience. Therefore it is important to provide children with information about grief, normalize their responses and encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings.

Children are often the hidden mourners in our society with little attention being paid to their bereavement needs. Every child has different needs, perspectives and understandings of what death means. Therefore it is important to provide children with information and education on death and grief as well as normalize their responses and encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings.

It is challenging to parent a grieving child when parents are themselves grieving. Grief is often isolating and consuming. Having access to resources and supports can help families feel connected and equipped to face their grief together.

Visit The Canadian Alliance for Children's Grief (CACG) for more information or resources. CACG is the first Canadian national group of professionals working together to ensure the accessibility of bereavement support and information to grieving children, teens and their families. Resulting from a collaborative effort amongst agencies and service providers across the country, the CACG seeks to address the barriers experienced by organizations providing services to grieving children and youth and strengthen the support offered to local communities. Source: CACG

Support for Grieving Young Adults (ages 18-30)

Actively Moving Forward® (AMF) is a network created in response to the needs of grieving young adults (ages 18-30) and is connecting, supporting, empowering grieving young adults to “actively move forward” in memory of their person. 

Now, a FREE AMF app offers new ways to connect!

“You’ll have full access to facilitated virtual support groups, tools, resources, reading, videos, supportive quotes, community engagement via direct messaging, group chats, posts and interactive comment boards. Group members may be tagged by person in their life that died so that members grieving a similar death loss can easily find each other.” 

Time to connect on a whole new level. Deepen friendships, engage with groups, simplified chats, find events, webinars and a host of other valuable and helpful resources.

To register for this app and access FREE bereavement support, visit Actively Moving Forward® 

Source: Actively Moving Forward - AMF, a HealGrief program

Experiences of Grief and Loss: Exploring Support & Resources

Excited to be presenting "Experiences of Grief and Loss: Exploring Support & Resources" for A Better Mind at the Oakville Mental Heath Symposium. For more information, or to register, please contact http://abettermind.ca/

Honoured to be a Clinical Lead at Camp Erin Toronto - a FREE bereavement camp for kids and teens

Am honoured to be a Clinical Lead for Camp Erin Toronto, an incredible FREE weekend bereavement camp for children and youth aged 6-17.   

Camp Erin Toronto is provided FREE to families and is open to any child who has experienced the death of an immediate family member or custodial caregiver, regardless of cause or length of time since the death.  Activities focus on providing campers with the tools needed to help them in their grief and with difficult experiences throughout their lives, while enhancing overall wellness, play and vitality. 

Camp Erin gives children and youth the opportunity to meet with other grieving kids in a fun and natural environment; understanding that they are not the only ones to experience the death of someone close to them decreases the sense of isolation that many grieving children experience.  Source: https://drjaychildrensgriefcentre.ca/programs/camp-erin/

As a registered charity that DOES NOT RECEIVE GOVERNMENT FUNDING, Camp Erin Toronto depends on the generosity of donors. For information, to refer or to donate, please visit: https://drjaychildrensgriefcentre.ca/programs/camp-erin/

For information on other Camp Erin locations in Canada and the U.S. visit: https://elunanetwork.org/camps-programs/camp-erin/

Ways to Survive the Holiday Season When You're Grieving

"The holiday season hurts. That is just reality. Whether you are missing someone who should be part of the festivities, or you are missing someone who shared your love of quiet acknowledgment over raucous partying, this season will add some to your grief. But there are ways to make it gentler for yourself..." via Megan Devine, Refuge In Grief

To read the full article, please visit: https://www.refugeingrief.com/2018/12/14/ways-to-survive-the-holiday-season-when-youre-grieving/

From Diagnosis to Bereavement: Engaging the Public Across the Continuum

Excited to present "From Diagnosis to Bereavement: Engaging the Public Across the Continuum" at the 2018 Partners in Care: Central West Palliative Care Network Annual Conference. 

LEARNING OBJECTIVES:
1. Consider systems challenges impacting care of people facing dying and loss;
2. Examine psychosocial implications for individuals, families and healthcare providers facing illness, grief and bereavement; 
3. Explore compassionate community events as essential opportunities to engage the public following a life-limiting diagnosis through to bereavement. 

For more information, or to register, please visit: http://cwpcn.ca/en/annual-conference/

A free Handbook for Supporters. Extending Compassion & Care to Grieving Youth

Am truly honoured to be a partner agency with the Children and Youth Grief Network.

Absolutely thrilled to announce our new resource is now available for FREE to any supporter caring for grieving children and youth. As grief and loss does not discriminate and affects children and teens everywhere, this resource is appropriate for anyone working with, or caring for, children and teens.

This invaluable resource outlines creative activities, tools and resources while providing essential information about how to support children and teens throughout the grieving process.

If you would like to receive a pdf. of "A Handbook for Supporters. Extending Compassion & Care to Grieving Youth", please contact the Children and Youth Grief Network via info@childrenandyouthgriefnetwork.com

Do you know a grieving child or youth (aged 6-17) who could benefit from support?

Do you know a grieving child or youth (aged 6-17) who could benefit from support?

Am proud to be the new Clinical Director for Camp Erin Hamilton and want to share information regarding this extraordinary free camp. 

Camp Erin is a FREE weekend bereavement camp (held annually in June) for children and teens ages 6-17 who are grieving the death of someone close to them (parent, caregiver, sibling). Campers participate in fun, traditional camp activities combined with grief education and emotional support, led by expert bereavement professionals and trained volunteers.

The following short videos capture Camp Erin Hamilton and highlights some of the kids and teens sharing the brilliant range of experiences that both normalize their thoughts and feelings and further empower them to cope with grief and loss.

If you know a grieving child or teen (6-17 yo) who would benefit from this experience, camper applications are now being accepted. Camper applications are due March 26th.

For more information, please watch the following video, or visit Dr. Bob Kemp Hospice or https://kemphospice.org/camp-erinfor details and application forms. 

FREE resources for families facing illness, uncertainty, grief and loss

Am honoured to have been part of the development team for the latest resource, Kids Grief, which was just launched on the first National Bereavement Day in Canada. I believe it is important to share these valuable resources for individuals and families facing illness, uncertainty, grief and loss. This information is also helpful for any healthcare professional or volunteer wanting more information and resources when providing support in acute care, primary care or within a community setting.

The Canadian Virtual Hospice provides support and personalized information about palliative and end-of-life care to patients, family members, health care providers, researchers and educators. (Source: Canadian Virtual Hospice)

Kids Grief (0-18 yrs.) http://kidsgrief.ca/

Talking with Kids and Teens about Dying and Death. What do I tell the kids? How do I support them? A free online resource to provide guidance to parents on how to support children who are grieving the dying or death of someone in their life. It equips parents with the words and confidence to help their children grieve losses in healthy ways. (Source: Canadian Virtual Hospice)

Joe Primo on Supporting Grieving Children

"There is a cultural narrative that tells us that bad things don’t happen to good people. As a result, we spend a lot of time protecting kids from natural life events, like death."

Source: Joe Primo on Supporting Grieving Children. Option B

Parenting Through Illness & Grief

"This one page handout provides an overview of the findings from a research study of parent caregivers. The study was conducted as a collaboration between Dr. Jay Children`s Grief Centre and the Nanny Angel Network" 

Source: Parenting Through Illness & Grief. Canadian Virtual Hospice

Camp Erin: Where Children and Teens Learn to Grieve and Heal

Am honoured to volunteer with Camp Erin. It is indeed a remarkable community and one that nurtures capacity in children and youth to grieve the death of a loved one.

"Children and teens ages 6-17 attend a transformational weekend camp that combines traditional, fun camp activities with grief education and emotional support, free of charge for all families. Led by grief professionals and trained volunteers, Camp Erin provides a unique opportunity for youth to increase levels of hope, enhance self-esteem, and especially to learn that they are not alone.

Camp Erin is offered in every Major League Baseball city as well as additional locations across the U.S. and Canada. The Moyer Foundation partners with hospices and bereavement organizations to bring hope and healing to thousands of grieving children and teens each year.

Camp Erin allows youth to:

• Tell their story in a safe environment
• Process grief in healthy ways
• Meet friends facing similar circumstances
• Learn they are not alone
• Build a tool-box of coping skills
• Honor and memorialize loved ones
• Have fun!"

Source: Camp Erin. The Moyer Foundation 

For information on Camp Erin locations in Ontario, please visit: Camp Erin Hamilton; Camp Erin Toronto; Camp Erin Eastern Ontario; Camp Erin Montreal

On Talking About the Hard Things of Life @racheltoalson

“We are taught to believe that strength and perseverance and hope do not include brokenness. But that’s simply not true. Our brokenness, our sadness—they are the precursors to becoming strong and mighty. We step into our cracks and we kneel down and we pour our attention on them, and that is what becomes the superglue that puts us back together.

We do this alone and we do it together.

When we turn away and hide our sadness or our mess or the hard places in our lives, apologizing that we can’t get it together, what we’re doing is denying others the opportunity to step into our cracks with us. To come alongside us and say, Hey, you’re not alone. To take our broken pieces and and glue them back into place.

The opposite of turning away is turning toward. I know that sounds obvious. But what exactly is turning toward in a situation like this one?

It’s acknowledging our sadness, however deep it goes. It’s talking about our sorrow, however founded or unfounded it may be. It’s sharing our pain, our sickness, our burdens with one another and healing together—whether that together is with friends, family or people you just met who share your own pain or sickness or the kind of burdens you carry.

Maybe some won’t always take our brokenness the right way. Maybe sometimes they’ll call us names or shame us or make us feel like we’ve done the exact thing we should never have done. But the only way to survive the hard places is to open them to the light. The only way back to strength is to acknowledge how this thing has weakened us. The only way out is through the cracks.”

Treating troubled family dynamics reduces complicated grief

“Professor David Kissane, who heads the department of psychiatry at Monash University in Melbourne, has developed a family-focussed model of grief therapy to prevent complicated bereavement. A trial published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology earlier this year found the therapy reduced the severity of complicated grief in high-risk families and the development of prolonged grief disorder.

Professor Kissane says bereavement therapy for families is more effective than therapy for individuals when grief is being perpetuated by dysfunctional family relationships. He says the most common family configuration he sees is parents and their children, but for some families it includes a neighbour, grandparents or aunts and uncles.

‘Family centred care is based on the idea that families that grieve together stay together and they heal their grief very well,’ he tells Palliative Matters.”