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Demystifying Grief and Honouring Loss: Exploring Healing While Caring For Others And Ourselves

I am honoured to once again deliver the UGME lecture “Demystifying Grief and Honouring Loss: Exploring Healing While Caring For Others And Ourselves” to the Michael G. DeGroote School of Medicine at McMaster University.

Grief is simply one word that cannot begin to describe a universal, yet uniquely complex and deeply personal, series of life-changing events and losses while still finding ways forward.

Acute care hospitals focus on short-term episodic care & interventions and treatments aimed at cure, creating an environment where death is seen as a failure, or where death is denied. What does this mean when dying and death are inevitable?

It is so essential in whole person and *family-centred care, that we explore impact on the person and family, not just treat part of the body, or acknowledge a fraction of the medical event, or illness. This is true for all we serve, and this is also true for healthcare providers stepping forward to deliver care who are deserving of care and support for themselves.

 What does it mean to explore and honour grief for anyone facing trauma and loss stemming from acute medical events, complex illness, dying, death, bereavement - for any person and family, AND the healthcare providers caring for them?

 A reminder, while largely stigmatized and misunderstood, in the words of Dr. Kenneth Doka,

“Grief is a reaction to loss. We often confuse it as a reaction to death. It’s really just a very natural reaction to loss. When we lose any significant form of attachment, grief is the process of adjusting”

Grief is a process, a uniquely personal ongoing process.

Grief can fracture one’s entire world, temporarily, or permanently.

Following an acute medical event, or a diagnosis, grief can fracture identities, hopes, routines, connections, sense of control and safety. Grief, largely invisible to others, is incredibly isolating, leaving the individual to navigate a fractured world, often alone – even when surrounded by others.

Modern medicine focuses on cure and fixing. In grief, healing focuses on care and process.

Learn to sit with (OR move with) grief as this demonstrates a sense of presence that is open, engaged and compassionate with the process of metabolizing grief, and in doing so, honours the losses, and the connections.

*family is always best defined by the individual we serve, as family, and loss of connections to family, are others sources of trauma and loss.

Exploring Grief and Moving Forward After a Pancreatic Cancer Diagnosis

I am honoured to deliver the national webinar, “Exploring Grief and Moving Forward After a Pancreatic Cancer Diagnosis” for Wellspring as they partner with Pancreatic Cancer Canada in support of Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month.

Pancreatic Cancer is often found in later stages because it has relatively few symptoms and is statistically one of the worst cancers for treatment and survival. Anticipatory grief is one of the many unique challenges encountered following a Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis as 70% of people diagnosed with pancreatic cancer do not survive past the first year, which means a Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis can be traumatic for patients and families.

In this webinar we will define Anticipatory Grief and explore some universal sources of grief, while demystifying and acknowledging different types of loss, and consider how we uniquely metabolize grief. Lastly, we will highlight some resources for support and explore considerations for self-care.

Support for Grieving Young Adults (ages 18-30)

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Actively Moving Forward® (AMF) is a network created in response to the needs of grieving young adults (ages 18-30) and is connecting, supporting, empowering grieving young adults to “actively move forward” in memory of their person. 

Now, a FREE AMF app offers new ways to connect!

“You’ll have full access to facilitated virtual support groups, tools, resources, reading, videos, supportive quotes, community engagement via direct messaging, group chats, posts and interactive comment boards. Group members may be tagged by person in their life that died so that members grieving a similar death loss can easily find each other.” 

Time to connect on a whole new level. Deepen friendships, engage with groups, simplified chats, find events, webinars and a host of other valuable and helpful resources.

To register for this app and access FREE bereavement support, visit Actively Moving Forward® 

Source: Actively Moving Forward - AMF, a HealGrief program

Trusting that even the longest, hardest endings lead to brand new mornings.

Sharing the beautiful words and artwork from Morgan Harper Nichols.

"You will grow how you were meant to. One morning you will wake up and realize that even though so many things aren’t the same anymore, there is still more in store. Because knowing 'there is more in store' doesn’t mean believing that everything will be easy, it means trusting that even the longest, hardest endings lead to brand new mornings.

In this life you will have moments that leave you speechless. You will look to the one you love and wonder, how on earth did you get to live this life. You will also have nights that leave you restless where you are left to ask, what will it look like to survive. And you will also have a billion moments in between. You will weave in and out of beginnings and endings and somehow, through it all, you will end up growing in the way you were meant to. You will be tender and you will be strong and you will be glad you lived to see beautiful things flourish, even though they took so long. You will heal along the journey. You will find: you were always learning. Strength was rising up within you. You bloomed how you were meant to. MHN"

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Caring for the Caregiver: Recognizing the Impact of Vicarious Trauma on Helpers and Strategies for Self-Care

Am truly honoured to be offering the Plenary Session “Caring for the Caregiver: Recognizing the Impact of Vicarious Trauma on Helpers and Strategies for Self-Care“ for the Annual Children’s Grief Awareness Symposium at Lighthouse Centre for Grieving Children, Youth and Families.

For information or to register, please visit: https://www.grievingchildrenlighthouse.org/index.php/news-and-events/upcoming-events/104-events/upcoming-events/events-2019/482-grief-symposium-2019#live-session-descriptions

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About the Lighthouse Centre for Grieving Children, Youth and Families:

“The Lighthouse provides a place where children, teens, and their parents and guardians who have experienced a life changing death loss can come together to be part of a community. Through participation in facilitated peer groups, they find understanding, stability and support.

Any child or teen, ages 3-19, who has experienced the death of an immediate family member or very close friend can join a group. Parents and guardians are welcome to attend the adult peer support groups which are offered at the same time as the children/teen groups.

Often, family members feel the need to protect one other from their feelings. At The Lighthouse, children and youth have their own space where they can feel safe to share their feelings with peers who have also experienced a life changing death. This expression of feelings, thoughts and experiences helps them reach an understanding of their loss and builds hope and encouragement for their future.”

Source: Lighthouse

To donate to the Lighthouse Centre for Grieving Children, Youth and Families, please visit: https://www.grievingchildrenlighthouse.org/index.php/support-us

Honoured to be a Clinical Lead at Camp Erin Toronto - a FREE bereavement camp for kids and teens

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Am honoured to be a Clinical Lead for Camp Erin Toronto, an incredible FREE weekend bereavement camp for children and youth aged 6-17.   

Camp Erin Toronto is provided FREE to families and is open to any child who has experienced the death of an immediate family member or custodial caregiver, regardless of cause or length of time since the death.  Activities focus on providing campers with the tools needed to help them in their grief and with difficult experiences throughout their lives, while enhancing overall wellness, play and vitality. 

Camp Erin gives children and youth the opportunity to meet with other grieving kids in a fun and natural environment; understanding that they are not the only ones to experience the death of someone close to them decreases the sense of isolation that many grieving children experience.  Source: https://drjaychildrensgriefcentre.ca/programs/camp-erin/

As a registered charity that DOES NOT RECEIVE GOVERNMENT FUNDING, Camp Erin Toronto depends on the generosity of donors. For information, to refer or to donate, please visit: https://drjaychildrensgriefcentre.ca/programs/camp-erin/

For information on other Camp Erin locations in Canada and the U.S. visit: https://elunanetwork.org/camps-programs/camp-erin/

Talking About Death Won't Kill You: The 100% Certainty Project

"Most of us are ill-prepared to face what lies ahead. In a death-denying society, how do we ready ourselves for our human fate? How do we prepare for the end of our lives?

To this end, The 100% Certainty Project uses books to spark dialogue amongst citizens with the hope that grassroots efforts begin to build the social fabric we all will need at end-of-life. The project attempts to de-medicalize the experience of death & dying and engage community agencies and activists. We encourage the public to read and talk about books – books with themes of death, dying, bereavement, and loss. By facilitating conversation at dining room tables, in coffee shops and on street corners across Greater Hamilton and beyond, this reading initiative aims to increase public awareness about death & dying and lessen society’s discomfort facing death." Source: The 100% Certainty Project

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Please join us for the first in a series of FREE public events. As part of the Division of Palliative Care at McMaster University with McMaster Faculty of Health Sciences, and our "The 100% Certainty Project. Death: Something to Talk About" initiative, together with Heart House Hospice, am honoured to co-host and moderate this event at the Mississauga Library with my brilliant friend and colleague Dr. Kathy Kortes-Miller. While the event is free, registration is required via the Mississauga Public Library at (905) 615 4835.

In support of National Hospice Palliative Care Week, we'll hear about her experiences as a parent and spouse facing a cancer diagnosis, as a Social Worker in Palliative Care and as an academic researcher and educator. At this event, Kathy will share her insight and explore some of the big questions about living and dying. We'll also open up the conversation to the audience - questions are welcome. Please email questions in advance to our "100% Certainty" email address: talkaboutdeath100@gmail.com or, join us and ask Dr. Kortes-Miller directly. Her book "Talking About Death Won't Kill You. The Essential Guide to End-of-Life Conversations" will also be on sale at each event.

Please join us for this FREE public event. As part of the Division of Palliative Care with McMaster Faculty of Health Sciences, and our "The 100% Certainty Project. Death: Something to Talk About", am honoured to co-host and moderate this event at t…

Please join us for this FREE public event. As part of the Division of Palliative Care with McMaster Faculty of Health Sciences, and our "The 100% Certainty Project. Death: Something to Talk About", am honoured to co-host and moderate this event at the Hamilton Public Library with my brilliant friend and colleague Dr. Kathy Kortes-Miller. While the event is free, registration is required via Eventbrite

Please join us for this final evening in our series of FREE public events. As part of the Division of Palliative Care at McMaster Faculty of Health Sciences, and our "The 100% Certainty Project. Death: Something to Talk About", together with Carpent…

Please join us for this final evening in our series of FREE public events. As part of the Division of Palliative Care at McMaster Faculty of Health Sciences, and our "The 100% Certainty Project. Death: Something to Talk About", together with Carpenter Hospice, am honoured to co-host and moderate this event at the Burlington Public Library with my brilliant friend and colleague Dr. Kathy Kortes-Miller. While the event is free, registration is required via the Burlington Public Library at (905) 639 3611.

EXPLORING GRIEF AND LOSS LITERACY: SUPPORTING AND EMPOWERING SCHOOL COMMUNITIES

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Am thrilled to be offering a full-day of training on Feb. 1st for the Halton District School Board on “EXPLORING GRIEF AND LOSS LITERACY: SUPPORTING AND EMPOWERING SCHOOL COMMUNITIES”

Will be honoured to be present with so many professionals as we spend the day exploring: 

- Grief and Loss Literacy (related to dying, death and non-death losses)

- Stigma Related to Illness, Dying, Grief

- The Dialogue of Loss

- Support Across School Communities

- Promoting Capacity & Engagement

- Opportunities for Self-Care

Looking forward to sharing some brilliant resources!

Grief In The Classroom: 'Saying Nothing Says A Lot'

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" 'Virtually all children will go through it — but that doesn't mean it's a normalizing experience,' says Dr. David Schonfeld, an expert on student grief and a driving force behind the new website. 'Even though it's common, it warrants our attention.' "

Source: Grief In The Classroom: 'Saying Nothing Says A Lot'

Camp Erin: Where Children and Teens Learn to Grieve and Heal

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Am honoured to volunteer with Camp Erin. It is indeed a remarkable community and one that nurtures capacity in children and youth to grieve the death of a loved one.

"Children and teens ages 6-17 attend a transformational weekend camp that combines traditional, fun camp activities with grief education and emotional support, free of charge for all families. Led by grief professionals and trained volunteers, Camp Erin provides a unique opportunity for youth to increase levels of hope, enhance self-esteem, and especially to learn that they are not alone.

Camp Erin is offered in every Major League Baseball city as well as additional locations across the U.S. and Canada. The Moyer Foundation partners with hospices and bereavement organizations to bring hope and healing to thousands of grieving children and teens each year.

Camp Erin allows youth to:

  • Tell their story in a safe environment
  • Process grief in healthy ways
  • Meet friends facing similar circumstances
  • Learn they are not alone
  • Build a tool-box of coping skills
  • Honor and memorialize loved ones
  • Have fun!"

Source: Camp Erin. The Moyer Foundation 

For information on Camp Erin locations in Ontario, please visit: Camp Erin Hamilton; Camp Erin Toronto; Camp Erin Eastern Ontario; Camp Erin Montreal

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Death cafes serve up life and death conversations. #DeathCafe

"Over a cup of coffee, a little cake — and sometimes beer — people meet to talk about death and fear of dying in the death cafe..."

Listen to this episode of The Current for more.

Camp Erin Hamilton. Fun #Camp for #Children and #Youth with #Grief #Support and #Education @moyerfoundation

“Camp Erin Hamilton is an annual three-day camp experience offered at no charge and facilitated by professional staff and trained volunteers of the Dr. Bob Kemp Hospice and Bereaved Families of Ontario - Hamilton/ Burlington. The camp is for children ages 6 to 17 who have experienced the death of someone close to them. Camp Erin Hamilton combines a traditional, high-energy, fun camp with grief support and education.”

The "On Coming Alive" Project. #Grief. @lexibehrndt #oncomingalive

"We believe that we are meant to come alive. This doesn’t mean we’ll be without pain. This means that we’ll face the pain, looking it in the eye, feeling it, acknowledging it, never faking it, but embracing life for what it is, a coexistence of the deepest sorrows and the deepest joys. We want to be alive to feel both, because we know that if we hide from the pain, we often also hide from true, deep joy, from freedom, from love and life.

We believe that we come alive as we mend, but we also come alive when we reach up and reach out.

We want to dig down deep and muster the grit within us, reach out our hands, and pull one another to the light, because we don’t believe that we’re meant to always live in the darkness."