How to Survive The Holidays When You're Grieving

How to Survive The Holidays When You're Grieving via Megan Devine

"The holiday seasons adds an extra measure of pain to people already bearing more than they can, more than they should ever have to. There is the empty seat at the table, the heaviness of all the ways the one you love is missing, traditions that have gone flat, smacking against the empty place.

Death, illness, massive life events — they all sour the season in ways those outside your loss can’t understand. Given that this season is going to be rough, how will you survive? Here are some of my holiday survival rules from my own early days. Remember, whatever you choose to do (or not do) this holiday season, staying true to yourself is important.

If you have someone who consistently tries to talk you out of your 'no,' you might respond by calling them out on their coercion: 'I keep telling you no, and you keep trying to convince me that I’m wrong. I need you to respect my decision.' Friends and family get to feel disappointed in your no, but they don’t get to force you to say yes.

Whether you are missing someone who should be part of the festivities, or you are missing someone who shared your love of quiet acknowledgment over raucous partying, this season will likely add to your grief.

Companion yourself. Care for yourself. Listen to yourself. Reach out where it feels good to reach, curl in when that is what you need. Make this season as much of a comfort to yourself as you can.

May your holiday season (or non-holiday, depending) be as safe, and full of love and connection as it can be.”

Visit refugeingrief.com for more Grief Support.

The largest ever survey on grief in Canada has been released...

The largest ever survey on grief in Canada has been completed and results have been published, though sadly, not surprising...

"Results from the largest grief survey ever conducted in Canada show that the very thing that many people want most when they are grieving - to be asked about their loss - is not how society is likely to respond.

The Canadian Grief Alliance (CGA), Canadian Virtual Hospice has released the findings of its landmark public survey on grief. With nearly 4,000 respondents, the survey is the largest ever on grief in Canada and will inform a National Action Plan for Grief which the CGA will present to the federal government in 2025.

Key findings include:
- 53% of respondents said their grief went largely unrecognized by others
- 50% of respondents felt inadequately supported in their grief
- 83% of respondents identified being asked about their loss as being helpful
- 54% of respondents wanted more access to one-on-one grief counselling
- 52% of respondents thought educating the public on how to better support each other would be helpful

Survey results point to the need to:
- Enhance understanding of loss, grief, and how to provide support among the public and professionals
- Expand access to a spectrum of grief services for both death- and non-death losses.
-Explore in greater detail the grief experiences and needs of people who are: from racialized and marginalized communities; Non-binary; Under age 40".

Source: CGA and Canadian Virtual Hospice

To read more, please visit: CGA Executive Summary

Exploring Grief and Moving Forward After a Pancreatic Cancer Diagnosis

I am honoured to deliver the national webinar, “Exploring Grief and Moving Forward After a Pancreatic Cancer Diagnosis” for Wellspring as they partner with Pancreatic Cancer Canada in support of Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month.

Pancreatic Cancer is often found in later stages because it has relatively few symptoms and is statistically one of the worst cancers for treatment and survival. Anticipatory grief is one of the many unique challenges encountered following a Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis as 70% of people diagnosed with pancreatic cancer do not survive past the first year, which means a Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis can be traumatic for patients and families.

In this webinar we will define Anticipatory Grief and explore some universal sources of grief, while demystifying and acknowledging different types of loss, and consider how we uniquely metabolize grief. Lastly, we will highlight some resources for support and explore considerations for self-care.

C. Elizabeth Dougherty Consulting Newsletter: Fall 2022

I am pleased to share my Fall 2022 Newsletter highlighting educational opportunities and my clinical work serving individuals, families, and healthcare providers facing complex illnesses, uncertainty and grief.

The ARQ of Grief Support

The ARQ of Grief Support:

1. Awareness

2. Reflection

3. Questions
   

The ARQ of Grief Support via NACG, The Dougy Center & KinderCare is a framework you can use to create meaningful, supportive interactions with children, teens and adults facing grief, loss & grieving

Source: https://childrengrieve.org/12-resource/309-resources-2

Supporting children and youth who have a family member with an advanced serious illness

Supporting children and youth who have a family member with an advanced serious illness via NACG The Dougy Center & KinderCare

At some point, we all encounter a child or teen who is living with the anxiety of a family member’s life-limiting illness. You can have the opportunity to be a support person, providing empathy as they face the serious illness, grief, loss and perhaps death, of a family member.

Some considerations include: Listen, Acknowledge, Understand, Provide Consistency, Help, Safety, Provide Resources

Source: https://childrengrieve.org/12-resource/309-resources-2

Join the movement to #UnderstandGrief

Join the #UnderstandGrief movement! Here's how:

1. Advocate that grief is not a mental disorder; our social and cultural context impacts how we grieve. Question the narrative of “mental disorders” and consider all the factors that can contribute to how a person responds to the death of someone in their lives.

2. Consider the language you use and how it can impact people. People who are grieving often receive patronizing responses to “move on” or “find closure” when what they need most is to feel understood.

3. Educate others about being grief-informed. Share the 10 core principles of being grief-informed.

4. Broaden the dialogue about the need for diversity and inclusivity in grief research and support. We need to reach beyond limited and narrow perspectives to understand and support how grief is experienced by people of different beliefs, cultures, ethnicities, backgrounds, abilities, and experiences.

5. Challenge myths about grief. Grief doesn’t follow an orderly path. When someone is grieving, don’t impose expectations on them about how they should feel or respond, or how long their grief should last. Every experience of loss is different.

6. Acknowledge and address the injustices of labels. Rather than labeling people who are grieving with a mental disorder, consider framing the challenges we face when we’re grieving as just that: challenges we experience when coping with the death of someone in our lives.

7. Recognize and acknowledge that every experience of loss is a unique experience. People will likely respond to the death of each person in their life differently because every relationship is unique. 

8. Strengthen relational connections. We need connections with others who are understanding and compassionate, especially when difficult and painful things happen.

9. Honour lived experience. To honour the lived experience of others involves offering the gift of nonjudgmental listening, open mindedness, and support.

10. Be compassionate with yourself and with others. One of the ways we can “walk our talk” is to demonstrate the same compassion toward ourselves that we hope others will have for themselves, particularly when we’re grieving.

Via The Dougy Center

What to say (and NOT to say) when someone is grieving

Most don't know what to say when someone is grieving. Here are some suggestions to offer a grieving parent, caregiver, or colleague. These questions can also be adapted for children.

via National Alliance for Grieving Children, The Dougy Center and KinderCare Education

C. Elizabeth Dougherty Consulting Newsletter Winter 2021

Honoured to share my Winter 2021 newsletter including resources for individuals and families of all ages facing a complex illness, from diagnosis through to bereavement. Grateful to also share undergraduate and graduate Social Work education, along with medical education and interprofessional education for healthcare providers demystifying palliative care.

Today is Children's Grief Awareness Day (#GGAD)

CGAD is designed to help us all become more aware of the needs of grieving children teens and families — and of the benefits they obtain through the support of others. Children's Grief Awareness Day is an opportunity to make sure that grieving children receive the support they need.

Before they graduate from high school, one child out of every 20 children will have a parent die - and that number doesn't include those who experience the death of a brother or sister, a close grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or friend.

Grieving children often feel set apart, different from their peers, alone and not understood. Every school and every community has children who have experienced some type of loss. Even if they keep their loss and experience to themselves, there are many children who are grieving among us.

These children can be helped to not feel so alone. Children and adults together can show their support for grieving children and show their awareness of what grieving children might be going through by participating in Children's Grief Awareness Day.

Source: CGAD. For more information or resources, visit: https://www.childrensgriefawarenessday.org/cgad2/about/index.shtml

DID YOU KNOW???? On CGAD, the CN Tower / La Tour CN will be illuminated in blue to raise awareness of this important issue

Support for Grieving Young Adults (ages 18-30)

Actively Moving Forward® (AMF) is a network created in response to the needs of grieving young adults (ages 18-30) and is connecting, supporting, empowering grieving young adults to “actively move forward” in memory of their person. 

Now, a FREE AMF app offers new ways to connect!

“You’ll have full access to facilitated virtual support groups, tools, resources, reading, videos, supportive quotes, community engagement via direct messaging, group chats, posts and interactive comment boards. Group members may be tagged by person in their life that died so that members grieving a similar death loss can easily find each other.” 

Time to connect on a whole new level. Deepen friendships, engage with groups, simplified chats, find events, webinars and a host of other valuable and helpful resources.

To register for this app and access FREE bereavement support, visit Actively Moving Forward® 

Source: Actively Moving Forward - AMF, a HealGrief program

C. Elizabeth Dougherty Consulting December 2019 Newsletter

Excited to share my December 2019 newsletter with an update about free resources and community support for anyone facing serious illness, uncertainty and grief. Am also grateful to share recent teaching opportunities across Interprofessional Education, dedicated Social Work Education, a grief conference and two national webinars.

As always, I share free resources and information across my Social Media platforms. Please connect and follow me on LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

#BustingTheMyths about Hospice Palliative Care

It’s Hospice Palliative Care Week in Canada. 

The campaign (May 5th – 11th) this year focuses on #BustingTheMyths about Hospice Palliative Care

This year, the Canadian Hospice Palliative Care Association (CHPCA) designed a “Busting the Myths” campaign as a response to the need to educate Canadians including caregivers, physicians and all healthcare providers, citizens and political leaders around common myths about hospice palliative care.

The #BustingTheMyths campaign aims to empower Canadians through education by identifying and clarifying misperceptions about Hospice Palliative Care in Canada.

Working together to educate one another is a vital step in the pursuit of excellent Hospice PalliativeCare.

Source: CHPCA Canadian Hospice Palliative Care Association

Free Breast Cancer Support Group

Am pleased to be facilitating this FREE support group at Wellspring Chinguacousy for women following a diagnosis of breast cancer.

The Breast Cancer Support Group provides a community for women who have been newly diagnosed with breast cancer, or are currently in treatment. This group can reduce isolation and provide an opportunity for peer support, to meet with others to explore the many emotional, social and practical challenges of coping with breast cancer

While this is a FREE group, registration is required, with a commitment to attend each week, for a period of six weeks. The next group is offered on the following dates:

Mon Mar 11, 2019: 12:00pm - 1:30pm
Mon Mar 18, 2019: 12:00pm - 1:30pm
Mon Mar 25, 2019: 12:00pm - 1:30pm
Mon Apr 1, 2019: 12:00pm - 1:30pm
Mon Apr 8, 2019: 12:00pm - 1:30pm
Mon Apr 15, 2019: 12:00pm - 1:30pm

For information, or to register, please visit Wellspring Chinguacousy

FREE family support group when a child has been diagnosed with cancer

Am honoured to be co-facilitating this FREE support group for families when a child has been diagnosed with cancer.

Each evening session begins with community-building and a light dinner is provided for all in attendance. This family support group at Wellspring is professionally facilitated and provides an opportunity for parents of children with cancer to connect for mutual support, for the sharing of ideas, for discussion and for networking. While the parents meet, the children (ages 5-13) will meet simultaneously in a separate group and focus on themed therapeutic activities designed to assist with their psychosocial needs.

Upcoming Dates:

• Mon Mar 18, 2019: 6:00pm - 8:00pm

• Mon Mar 25, 2019: 6:00pm - 8:00pm

• Mon Apr 1, 2019: 6:00pm - 8:00pm

• Mon Apr 8, 2019: 6:00pm - 8:00pm

Registration is Required. Please note: This program requires a commitment for families to attend all sessions. For information, or to register, please contact 905-257-1988 or 1-877-499-9904.

Support for individuals and families across Canada facing Pancreatic Cancer

Am honoured to be part of this brilliant new initiative offering free support to anyone facing Pancreatic Cancer across Canada. This initiative is a collaboration between Pancreatic Cancer Canada Foundation and Wellspring Cancer Support Network

For more information, or to access support, please visit: https://wellspring.ca/online-resources/pancreatic-cancer-peer-support/  

Communication and Connection for Families Coping with Cancer

I am honoured to have been a guest on this week’s VoiceAmerica - Live Internet Talk Radio Breast Friends Cancer Support Radio Network. Becky Olson and Sharon Henifin of Breast Friends of Oregon, both breast cancer survivors and thrivers have asked me to be their guest to discuss "Communication and Connection for Families Coping with Cancer", demystifying Palliative Care and highlighting the need to support individuals and families of all ages, from time of diagnosis through to bereavement. At the conclusion of our episode, I highlighted the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization and Canadian Hospice Palliative Care Association as sources of information for people wanting to learn more about Palliative Care in the U.S. and Canada.

Breast Friends is a nonprofit organization started by Sharon and Becky so that no woman would feel alone on her journey and to provide needed resources to those facing the challenge of breast cancer, as well as to their families and friends. Please visit their website for more information: www.BreastFriends.org.

This episode aired live and is now archived at https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/106520/communication-and-connection-for-families-coping-with-cancer

Do you know a grieving child or youth (aged 6-17) who could benefit from support?

Do you know a grieving child or youth (aged 6-17) who could benefit from support?

Am proud to be the new Clinical Director for Camp Erin Hamilton and want to share information regarding this extraordinary free camp. 

Camp Erin is a FREE weekend bereavement camp (held annually in June) for children and teens ages 6-17 who are grieving the death of someone close to them (parent, caregiver, sibling). Campers participate in fun, traditional camp activities combined with grief education and emotional support, led by expert bereavement professionals and trained volunteers.

The following short videos capture Camp Erin Hamilton and highlights some of the kids and teens sharing the brilliant range of experiences that both normalize their thoughts and feelings and further empower them to cope with grief and loss.

If you know a grieving child or teen (6-17 yo) who would benefit from this experience, camper applications are now being accepted. Camper applications are due March 26th.

For more information, please watch the following video, or visit Dr. Bob Kemp Hospice or https://kemphospice.org/camp-erinfor details and application forms. 

The Experience of Grief

Ontario Children's Grief Awareness Family Days. Free public events

Am honoured to be a new partner agency with the Children and Youth Grief Network (CYGN). The CYGN is a collaborative of agencies and organizations that work to support grieving families of all ages.

The CYGN recognizes that "the support received by a grieving child or youth can significantly influence his/her wellbeing. As a result we aim to connect individuals and organizations who provide services and resources that benefit children and youth who are grieving a death."

As the CYGN Mission is "to advocate for educational opportunities and support services that will benefit children and youth who are grieving the dying or the death of someone they care about", in support of National Bereavement Day, the CYGN is offering 2 free community events to support grieving families.

These events are intended for parents/caregivers and their children/teens (under 18 yrs of age) who have experienced the death of a parent/caregiver, child/sibling.

This event is offered for the whole family. Children will participate in facilitated creative activities with trained grief experts, while parents/caregivers will attend a panel presentation and discussions to explore coping strategies and grief support featuring grief professionals and other bereaved families. 

Come explore grief and bereavement coping strategies specifically for families with children and teens. Connect with peers and learn more about the resources available in your community while enjoying the support of caring professionals and other families who share the grief experience.

Snacks, local grief and bereavement resources and gift bag included. 

Reserve your FREE Ontario Children's Grief Awareness Family Day seats via Eventbrite.

2 Dates and 2 Locations!

November 4th @ Wellspring Birmingham Gilgan House (Oakville) https://www.eventbrite.com/e/ontario-childrens-grief-awareness-family-day-oakville-location-tickets-38670386166

November 25th @ Wellspring Chinguacousy (Brampton) https://www.eventbrite.com/e/ontario-childrens-grief-awareness-family-day-brampton-location-tickets-38670961888