How to Survive The Holidays When You're Grieving

How to Survive The Holidays When You're Grieving via Megan Devine

"The holiday seasons adds an extra measure of pain to people already bearing more than they can, more than they should ever have to. There is the empty seat at the table, the heaviness of all the ways the one you love is missing, traditions that have gone flat, smacking against the empty place.

Death, illness, massive life events — they all sour the season in ways those outside your loss can’t understand. Given that this season is going to be rough, how will you survive? Here are some of my holiday survival rules from my own early days. Remember, whatever you choose to do (or not do) this holiday season, staying true to yourself is important.

If you have someone who consistently tries to talk you out of your 'no,' you might respond by calling them out on their coercion: 'I keep telling you no, and you keep trying to convince me that I’m wrong. I need you to respect my decision.' Friends and family get to feel disappointed in your no, but they don’t get to force you to say yes.

Whether you are missing someone who should be part of the festivities, or you are missing someone who shared your love of quiet acknowledgment over raucous partying, this season will likely add to your grief.

Companion yourself. Care for yourself. Listen to yourself. Reach out where it feels good to reach, curl in when that is what you need. Make this season as much of a comfort to yourself as you can.

May your holiday season (or non-holiday, depending) be as safe, and full of love and connection as it can be.”

Visit refugeingrief.com for more Grief Support.

Children's Grief Awareness Day is observed on the third Thursday in November

Children's Grief Awareness Day is observed on the third Thursday in November. This time of year is a particularly appropriate time to support grieving children and youth as the holiday season is often an especially difficult time after a death.

Children's Grief Awareness Day brings attention to the fact that support can make all the difference in the life of a grieving child or teen. It provides an opportunity to raise awareness of the painful impact that the death of a loved one, with an opportunity to make sure that grieving children and teens receive support they need.

Children and youth who have experienced the death of someone important to them often feel isolated, like their struggles are invisible to those around them. Grieving children and teens need advocates and allies navigating supportive ways to move forward. Every school and community has children and teens who have experienced loss. Children’s Grief Awareness Day is about recognizing that no young person should have to navigate grief alone.

We raise awareness so that people will understand that a grieving child or teen can't just "get over it”, not in any set time period, not by any act of their own will - and that there's no reason they should just "get over it. We can ensure children and youth feel seen, heard, and understood with the right tools, compassion and support.

Source: Children's Grief Awareness Day

National Grief & Bereavement Day is November 19th

Remember. Reflect. Connect. National Grief and Bereavement Day is November 19, 2024. It is time to reflect and take action, creating connections while navigating grief. 

The third Tuesday in November marks the annual National Grief and Bereavement Day in Canada. On this day, CHPCA encourages Canadians to engage government and all sectors of Canadian society in a national dialogue to identify and support access to the necessary resources for those living with grief and bereavement.

Grief can make us hesitant to connect with those around us, whether we are the person grieving or someone around them. When someone we know is faced with grief, we can often find ourselves at a loss for words. When we are grieving ourselves, we may not know what support we need.

Grief is Universal. Grief is a common experience we will all share, yet it can often leave us feeling disconnected. We might feel disconnected from our loved ones, from our friends, or from who we used to be.
Finding connection through loss can be a powerful tool to help us move forward and through grief. Something as simple as a phone call, someone reaching out, a hug, a prayer, or a treasured memory shared can bring much needed solace after a loss. 

For more information, or to access a Grief and Bereavement Resource Repository, visit: https://www.chpca.ca/awareness/national-grief-and-bereavement-day/grief-and-bereavement-resource-repository/

Source: CHPCA

World Hospice and Palliative Care Day is Saturday October 12th

Palliative Care is often misunderstood.

10 Myths About Palliative Care infographic dispels common misconceptions about palliative care.

This resource is available in English and 13 other languages, including:
-French

-Arabic

-Brazilian Portuguese

-Catalan

-Chinese

-Cree

-Hebrew

-Inuinnaqtun

-Japanese

-Portuguese

-Spanish

-Tagalog

-Kinyarwanda


Download and share the infographic in your preferred language via:
https://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Support/Resources/Books_+Links_+and+More/

Source: Canadian Virtual Hospice

National Children’s Hospice Palliative Care Day is Thursday October 10th.

"The main goal of palliative care is quality of life, including relief from symptoms of physical and emotional illness and stress. Palliative care is appropriate for any child that has received a serious diagnosis or for whom the prognoses has become serious. The PPC team helps to coordinate your child’s care and can act as a liaison between you and the care team (and, really, everyone in your life who is involved with this illness journey)." Source: Courageous Parents Network (CPN)

"Pediatric palliative care providers can help with a whole host of challenges that may arise during a child’s cancer treatment. It isn’t just symptom management. This can include navigating difficult conversations and serving as an interpreter for the child." Source: Courageous Parents Network (CPN)

"What if" conversations are hard. However, having them with your clinicians can help you find the anticipatory guidance you crave and help you better define your goals of care for your child. Understand more about goals of care by visiting the CPN website". Source: Courageous Parents Network (CPN)

Watch Dr. Toluwalase Ajayi, a Pediatric Palliative Care physician explain the "PERSON Model" to explore what parents/caregivers are wondering for their child: 

• Perception

• Explore

• Relate

• Sources of Worry 

• Outlining Next Steps

• Notify 

via Courageous Parents Network (CPN) https://courageousparentsnetwork.org/videos/a-palliative-care-md-on-the-person-model-for-assessing-peoples-goals-of-care

To learn more about Palliative Care and how can help, visit CPN at https://courageousparentsnetwork.org/topics/how-palliative-care-helps:

Visit the incredible FREE resource - The Courageous Parents Network (CPN) mobile APP - a quick and easy way for families caring for very sick children, and the providers who support them, to find, save, carry and share Courageous Parents Network (CPN) content (videos, podcasts, guides and more resources) and register for free CPN events. 

FREE Death Café: Wednesday August 7th (6-8pm)

I am honoured to co-facilitate a FREE Death Café at the David Braley Health Sciences Centre, together with Dr. Alan Taniguchi, McMaster University on behalf of The 100% Certainty Project. Death: Something to Talk About and The Division of Palliative Care.

Registration is required for this FREE Death Café on Wednesday August 7th (6-8pm) via Eventbrite at: https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/death-cafe-tickets-914115994547?aff=oddtdtcreator

Death Café is an international movement where people, often strangers, gather to eat, drink tea and discuss death. The objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’.

At Death Café, you can expect a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group.

Please note that Death Café is NOT a grief support group, nor is this a grief counselling session.

Death Café is a respectful, public event where people of all communities and belief systems are welcome to have respectful discussions about death.

Interesting conversation is guaranteed! For more information about Death Café, please visit https://deathcafe.com/

Image via YG2D For more information on YG2D visit https://www.yg2d.com/

Image via YG2D For more information on YG2D visit https://www.yg2d.com/

Proud, Prepared, and Protected

“Proud, Prepared, and Protected is a collection of online FREE resources to assist people who identify as 2SLGBTQ+ to access and receive inclusive, respectful care. These resources were developed by people who identify as Two-Spirit and LGBTQ+ and more than 40 organizations and Canadian Virtual Hospice to fill a national gap. This information is also helpful for allies, people working in healthcare and education and communities.” Source: Canadian Virtual Hospice

To access free resources, visit: Proud, Prepared, and Protected

The essential guide for every patient and family diagnosed with a life-changing illness

"The essential guide for every patient and family.

When you are diagnosed with a life-changing illness, it can be overwhelming. While your diagnosis cannot be changed, the way you experience your illness can.

In Hope for the Best, Plan for the Rest, we draw on our decades spent researching and caring for thousands of seriously ill patients to reveal the seven keys for a better illness experience. With real-life stories, tips, and exercises to improve your journey right from diagnosis, we want to empower you with practical tools to navigate the healthcare system with knowledge, confidence, and clarity.

You can find hope in the face of uncertainty. You can live well, be fully informed, and be activated - and feel more like a person and less like a patient. But most of all, you can be hopeful and prepared at every step along the way."

Source: Waiting Room Revolution

What to do when facing a serious illness

What to do when facing a serious illness: 3 sets of questions to ask your health care team

Receiving a diagnosis of a serious illness can be overwhelming. Often people don’t know what the journey will look like. However, there are things you can do to help you communicate with your healthcare team. For example, you and those closest to you can ask key questions to make sure you understand your illness.

1. What does it mean to have this serious illness?
2. What can I expect now and in the future?
3. How can I prepare for what might come next?

For more information:

On Serious Illness and Palliative Care in Canada: canada.ca/palliative-care

Waiting Room Revolution for information and resources to help patients and families who are facing serious illness (English only): waitingroomrevolution.com

Source: @waitingroomrev

The first week of May is National Hospice Palliative Care Week in Canada

National Hospice Palliative Care Week is an opportunity to highlight quality Palliative Care across the country. This week also serves as an opportunity to call for better education and access to Palliative Care for ALL across Canada.

Palliative care is active, collaborative, compassionate and integrated person and family-centred care, for anyone, of any age, facing ANY stage of complex illness.

“Canadians should have access to affordable, culturally safe, high-quality palliative care regardless of where they live and in what setting they choose to receive care. Promoting and supporting the need for improved development and delivery of early, active, competent and compassionate palliative care is essential. This includes expert pain management; skilled psychosocial, emotional and spiritual support; and comfortable living conditions with the appropriate level of care – whether at home, in a hospital, at hospice residences or in any other settings of choice.” Source CCS

To access 10 Myths about Palliative Care, visit Canadian Virtual Hospice

For more information about Palliative Care in Canada, please visit:
The Canadian Hospice Palliative Care Association
Canadian Virtual Hospice
The Canadian Cancer Society

April 16th is Advance Care Planning Day in Canada

Planning for future healthcare needs is important.

• Who would you trust to make healthcare decisions?

• Do you know what would happen if you couldn’t communicate for yourself?

• Who would you trust to make those healthcare decisions on your behalf? 

Think about: 

• Who you would trust with making important decisions for you. 

• What matters most in your life and how that might help guide healthcare decisions you would want.  

Consider: 

• Do you know what would happen if you couldn’t decide for yourself?

• Who do you trust to make healthcare decisions that respect your wishes?

• Would that person (or people) be able to make important decisions about your health in an emergency?

• Have you spoken to anyone about what matters most in your life?

• What gives you strength in difficult times? 

• Are spiritual, cultural or religious beliefs, practices, or ceremonies are important to you?

The best time to think about this is NOW (in advance of a medical crisis), while you can make decisions and communicate for yourself. You have the power to choose who that person is. They can be a family member, a friend, or anyone in your life that you trust to make the kinds of healthcare decisions you would want. 

Ask yourself: If not you, who? 

Source: Advance Care Planning Canada

It is never too early, but it can be too late!

To learn more about Advance Care Planning in 5 Steps, visit Advance Care Planning Canada to access helpful free toolkits and guides to help you along the way. 

FREE Death Café at the David Braley Health Sciences Centre, McMaster University

In celebration of Advance Care Planning Day 2024, I am honoured to co-facilitate a FREE Death Café at the David Braley Health Sciences Centre, together with Dr. Alan Taniguchi, McMaster University on behalf of The 100% Certainty Project. Death: Something to Talk About.

Registration is required for this FREE Death Café on Wednesday March 27th (6-8pm) via Eventbrite

Death Café is an international movement where people, often strangers, gather to eat, drink tea and discuss death. The objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’.

At Death Café, you can expect a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group. Please note that Death Café is NOT a grief support group, nor is this a grief counselling session.

Death Café is a respectful, public event where people of all communities and belief systems are welcome to have respectful discussions about death.

Interesting conversation is guaranteed! For more information, please visit Death Café

Exploring Grief and Moving Forward After a Pancreatic Cancer Diagnosis

I am honoured to deliver the national webinar, “Exploring Grief and Moving Forward After a Pancreatic Cancer Diagnosis” for Wellspring as they partner with Pancreatic Cancer Canada in support of Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month.

Pancreatic Cancer is often found in later stages because it has relatively few symptoms and is statistically one of the worst cancers for treatment and survival. Anticipatory grief is one of the many unique challenges encountered following a Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis as 70% of people diagnosed with pancreatic cancer do not survive past the first year, which means a Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis can be traumatic for patients and families.

In this webinar we will define Anticipatory Grief and explore some universal sources of grief, while demystifying and acknowledging different types of loss, and consider how we uniquely metabolize grief. Lastly, we will highlight some resources for support and explore considerations for self-care.

It is National Grief and Bereavement Day in Canada

The third Tuesday in November marks National Grief and Bereavement Day in Canada. Especially on this day, the Canadian Hospice Palliative Care Association (CHPCA) encourages Canadians to engage all sectors of society in dialogues to raise #awareness, identify and #support access to a range of necessary resources for anyone facing loss, grief and bereavement.

Reach Out, Support the Grief Journey. When someone we know is faced with grief, we can often find ourselves at a loss for words. We may be unsure of how to support friends, family, or colleagues going through a difficult journey. But here’s the truth: You have the power to make sure they are not facing grief alone. Our actions can provide solace and connection when needed most.

National Grief and Bereavement Day calls upon all of us to reach out and move alongside those around us on a grief journey. It’s a day to take action, to be present for someone who needs support, even when words fail. For those who may feel uncomfortable with grief, who never quite know what to say, or are uncertain about what to do to help, there are things you can do, big or small, that can make a world of difference for someone in your life who is grieving.

Reaching out with simple gestures of kindness can make a profound #impact. Small but thoughtful actions can bridge the gap between isolation and healing. Even when it feels as though there’s nothing you can say, your actions speak volumes to people in your life navigating grief and loss. 

Together, let’s break the silence surrounding grief. Let’s move alongside those around us on a journey with grief. Join us on National Grief and Bereavement Day as we collectively learn to reach out, offering genuine support and compassion to those around us.

Source: CHPCA

Today is World Hospice and Palliative Care Day (#WHPCDay23)

Today is World Hospice and Palliative Care Day (#WHPCDay23).

World Hospice and Palliative Care Day is an annual unified day of action to celebrate and support hospice and palliative care around the world.

WHPCD has been marked every year on Saturday October 14th to advocate for better hospice and palliative care services around the world. The WHPCD theme for 2023 is Compassionate Communities.

Together for Palliative Care Compassionate Communities care for people, assist people to live in the place they call home, connect people to services, and raise #awareness about end-of-life issues.

We believe that palliative care working alongside compassionate communities multiplies the ability to respond to the needs of the most #vulnerable in our communities.

For more information, please visit The Worldwide Hospice Palliative Care Alliance (WHPCA)

Palliative Care In-Depth Online Workshop

As faculty at McMaster University and a certified LEAP™ facilitator, I am again honoured to join my colleagues from the Division of Palliative Care at McMaster University to facilitate the Palliative Care In-Depth Online Workshop combining the curriculum of Pallium Canada’s LEAP™ In-Depth with McMaster University 3 Days in Palliative Care.

This is a unique opportunity for healthcare professionals to continue learning about the palliative care approach and focus on different disease conditions and topics. The session schedule is designed to allow for national participation and clinical commitments.

This workshop has been developed for online delivery in partnership between Pallium and the Department of Family Medicine at McMaster University. Sessions are facilitated by McMaster University faculty who are LEAP™ certified facilitators and experienced palliative care clinicians and educators.

TOPICS COVERED INCLUDE:
• Recap of the palliative care approach
• Unique situations
• Transitions in long-term care
• Heart diseases and advanced liver
• In-depth communication
• Renal and neurological diseases

Please contact support@pallium.ca with any questions about the course, or to register.
Want to learn more about Pallium Canada or LEAP™? Visit pallium.ca

Rights of a Student Who is Grieving

Returning to school can be a time of tremendous grief bursts - both expected and unexpected: from completing emergency contact forms after a parent/caregiver has died (is dying) or absent in any capacity; seeing families together when a parent or sibling is in hospital, hospice or is no longer present; witnessing the range of emotions when people talk about summer experiences filled with joy and connection when grief, loss, an accident, illness and absence has been their experience instead… While not readily visible, grief will continue to influence the life of a student impacted by loss (as they live with navigating the ongoing impact of grief & grieving).

Compassion, creativity, patience and empathy are essential in responding in a non-judgmental way to the individual and unique needs of each student.

You can access the FREE Rights of a Student Who is Grieving via NACG

About Childhood Grief FREE Resource

About Childhood Grief

“The death of a family member, friend or other significant person is a lifelong loss for children. It is normal for children to miss the person who died and to experience grief that might come and go with different levels of intensity for some time after the death. It can be challenging to parents and caregivers to know what to do for, what to say to and how to help children who are obviously hurting. Here are a few suggestions about how to be helpful to a grieving child based on research and practice among children’s grief support professionals and volunteers. It is important to note that grief reactions in children are varied, wide ranging and unique to each individual.” 

The following suggestions will help guide you as you seek to be provide understanding and compassion to children living with grief:

• Grief is a normal reaction for children to the death of someone significant

• Children need to know the truth. Most parents and caregivers would agree that they would prefer that their children not have to deal with the difficult truths that might accompany a death

• Each child’s grief is as unique to him or her as was their relationship with the deceased

• Grieving children often feel alone and misunderstood

• Children will experience grief over the death of significant people at different times throughout their lives

• Grieving children often experience personal growth as a result of their loss

• Grieving children feel less alone when they are with other children who have experienced the death of a significant person and when they have loving, consistent adults in their lives

• Knowledge is Power

Source “About Childhood Grief” via NACG

FREE Individual Student Bereavement Plan

Returning to school can be a time of tremendous grief bursts - both expected and unexpected: from completing emergency contact forms after a parent/caregiver has died (is dying) or absent in any capacity; seeing families together when a parent or sibling is in hospital, hospice or is no longer present; witnessing the range of emotions when people talk about summer experiences filled with joy and connection when grief, loss, an accident, illness and absence has been their experience instead… While not readily visible, grief will continue to influence the life of a student impacted by loss (as they live with navigating the ongoing impact of grief & grieving).

You can access the FREE Individual Student Bereavement Plan via NACG

“This document is a resource for supporting students returning to school after they have experienced the death of a significant person in their lives. When a student returns to school, they may feel alone and challenged by the task of engaging with their daily routine. Schools are in a unique position to provide support for students with thoughtful plans specific to the individual’s needs. Students grieve developmentally, and their needs are unique and changing throughout the days, months, and years ahead. Those students that need and receive grief support have improved outcomes socially, emotionally, and academically.” Source “Individual Student Bereavement Plan”

Source: NACG

FREE Death Café at McMaster University: August 9th (6-8pm)

I am honoured to facilitate a FREE Death Café on Wednesday August 9th (6-8pm) at the David Braley Health Sciences Centre, McMaster University on behalf of The 100% Certainty Project. Death: Something to Talk About.

Registration is required for this FREE Death Café via Eventbrite at: https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/death-cafe-tickets-668976405437

Please note: Death Café is an international movement where people, often strangers, gather to eat, drink tea and discuss death. The objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’.

At Death Café, you can expect a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group. Please note that Death Café is NOT a grief support group, nor is this a grief counselling session.

Death Café is a respectful, public event where people of all communities and belief systems are welcome to have discussions about death. Interesting conversation is guaranteed! For more information, please visit Death Café https://deathcafe.com/