Día de Los Muertos: A Time to Grieve & Remember

Day of the Dead is a rare holiday for celebrating death and life. It is unlike any holiday where mourning is exchanged for celebration. Day of the Dead is a holiday to remember loved ones by sharing a meal with them as one would when they were alive.

Calaveras (Skulls) are ubiquitous during Day of the Dead. The skulls are often drawn with a smile as to laugh at death itself. They take many forms such as sugar candies, clay decorations, and most memorable: face painting. Sugar skulls are decorated and placed on ofrendas (altars) of loved ones. Marigolds are believed to be the pathways that guide the spirits to their ofrendas and they symbolize the beauty and fragility of life.

Dia de los Angelitos (Day of the little angels) starts the holiday at midnight on Nov 1st, where the spirits of all deceased children are believed to be reunited with their families for 24 hours. Families construct an altar, known as an ofrenda, with the departed child’s favorite snacks, candies, toys, and photographs to encourage a visit from their departed children. The names of the departed children will often be written on a sugar skull.

At midnight of the following day (November 2nd), the celebrations shift to honor the lives of the departed adults. The night is filled with laughter and fun memories, much like the night before. However, the Ofrendas take on a more adult-like theme with tequila, pan de muerto, mezcal, pulque and jars of Atole. Families will also play games together, reminisce about their loved ones, and dance while the village band plays in their town

The next day is the grand finale and public celebration of Dia de Muertos. In more recent times, people come together in their cities, dressed up with Calavera painted faces (Skeletons) and have parades in the streets. Cemetery visits are also common on the last day as families will go to decorate the grave sites with Marigold flowers, gifts, and sugar skulls with the departed’s name on them. It’s customary to clean the grave stone and restore the color.

Source: https://dayofthedead.holiday/

Rights of a Student Who is Grieving

Returning to school can be a time of tremendous grief bursts - both expected and unexpected: from completing emergency contact forms after a parent/caregiver has died (is dying) or absent in any capacity; seeing families together when a parent or sibling is in hospital, hospice or is no longer present; witnessing the range of emotions when people talk about summer experiences filled with joy and connection when grief, loss, an accident, illness and absence has been their experience instead… While not readily visible, grief will continue to influence the life of a student impacted by loss (as they live with navigating the ongoing impact of grief & grieving).

Compassion, creativity, patience and empathy are essential in responding in a non-judgmental way to the individual and unique needs of each student.

You can access the FREE Rights of a Student Who is Grieving via NACG

About Childhood Grief FREE Resource

About Childhood Grief

“The death of a family member, friend or other significant person is a lifelong loss for children. It is normal for children to miss the person who died and to experience grief that might come and go with different levels of intensity for some time after the death. It can be challenging to parents and caregivers to know what to do for, what to say to and how to help children who are obviously hurting. Here are a few suggestions about how to be helpful to a grieving child based on research and practice among children’s grief support professionals and volunteers. It is important to note that grief reactions in children are varied, wide ranging and unique to each individual.” 

The following suggestions will help guide you as you seek to be provide understanding and compassion to children living with grief:

• Grief is a normal reaction for children to the death of someone significant

• Children need to know the truth. Most parents and caregivers would agree that they would prefer that their children not have to deal with the difficult truths that might accompany a death

• Each child’s grief is as unique to him or her as was their relationship with the deceased

• Grieving children often feel alone and misunderstood

• Children will experience grief over the death of significant people at different times throughout their lives

• Grieving children often experience personal growth as a result of their loss

• Grieving children feel less alone when they are with other children who have experienced the death of a significant person and when they have loving, consistent adults in their lives

• Knowledge is Power

Source “About Childhood Grief” via NACG

The 100% Certainty Project: FREE Event

I am honoured to be a member of both The 100% Certainty Project and the Division of Palliative Care at McMaster University.

The 100% Certainty Project, in partnership with Epic Books, PX Dermody Funeral Homes and the Hamilton Public Library, advocates that issues of #death, #dying, #grief and #bereavement need to be “reclaimed” by the community - by private citizens who are accustomed to end-of-life care being provided by our #healthcare system.

The 100% Certainty Project is hosting a FREE MOVIE at The Westdale Theatre in #HamOnt on Monday, March 27th (6:45pm). JOIN US in the beautifully renovated historic Westdale Theatre as we view the film (based on the #1 New York Times bestseller A Man Called Ove, a previous 100% Certainty Project book selection). This celebration-of-life story is a major motion picture starring Tom Hanks!

“Meet Ove (a.k.a. Otto) - the kind of man who points at people he dislikes as if they were burglars caught outside his bedroom window. He has staunch principles, strict routines, and a short fuse. People call him “the bitter neighbor from hell.” But must Ove be bitter just because he doesn’t walk around with a smile plastered to his face all the time?

Behind the cranky exterior there is a story and a #sadness. So when one November morning a chatty young couple with two chatty young daughters move in next door and accidentally flatten Ove’s mailbox, it is the lead-in to a comical and heartwarming tale of unkempt cats, unexpected friendship, and the ancient art of backing up a U-Haul. All of which will change one cranky old man and a local residents’ association to their very foundations.

Fredrik Backman’s beloved first novel about the angry old man next door is a thoughtful exploration of the profound #impact one life has on countless others.” (source: Simon & Schuster)

REGISTRATION IS REQUIRED ON EVENTBRITE via https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/a-man-called-otto-free-screening-tickets-581260484757

The ARQ of Grief Support

The ARQ of Grief Support:

1. Awareness

2. Reflection

3. Questions
   

The ARQ of Grief Support via NACG, The Dougy Center & KinderCare is a framework you can use to create meaningful, supportive interactions with children, teens and adults facing grief, loss & grieving

Source: https://childrengrieve.org/12-resource/309-resources-2

Join the movement to #UnderstandGrief

Join the #UnderstandGrief movement! Here's how:

1. Advocate that grief is not a mental disorder; our social and cultural context impacts how we grieve. Question the narrative of “mental disorders” and consider all the factors that can contribute to how a person responds to the death of someone in their lives.

2. Consider the language you use and how it can impact people. People who are grieving often receive patronizing responses to “move on” or “find closure” when what they need most is to feel understood.

3. Educate others about being grief-informed. Share the 10 core principles of being grief-informed.

4. Broaden the dialogue about the need for diversity and inclusivity in grief research and support. We need to reach beyond limited and narrow perspectives to understand and support how grief is experienced by people of different beliefs, cultures, ethnicities, backgrounds, abilities, and experiences.

5. Challenge myths about grief. Grief doesn’t follow an orderly path. When someone is grieving, don’t impose expectations on them about how they should feel or respond, or how long their grief should last. Every experience of loss is different.

6. Acknowledge and address the injustices of labels. Rather than labeling people who are grieving with a mental disorder, consider framing the challenges we face when we’re grieving as just that: challenges we experience when coping with the death of someone in our lives.

7. Recognize and acknowledge that every experience of loss is a unique experience. People will likely respond to the death of each person in their life differently because every relationship is unique. 

8. Strengthen relational connections. We need connections with others who are understanding and compassionate, especially when difficult and painful things happen.

9. Honour lived experience. To honour the lived experience of others involves offering the gift of nonjudgmental listening, open mindedness, and support.

10. Be compassionate with yourself and with others. One of the ways we can “walk our talk” is to demonstrate the same compassion toward ourselves that we hope others will have for themselves, particularly when we’re grieving.

Via The Dougy Center

What to say (and NOT to say) when someone is grieving

Most don't know what to say when someone is grieving. Here are some suggestions to offer a grieving parent, caregiver, or colleague. These questions can also be adapted for children.

via National Alliance for Grieving Children, The Dougy Center and KinderCare Education

Thrilled to host "How We Talk About Grief" at gritLIT!

Am truly honoured to host “How We Talk About Grief” on behalf of The 100% Certainty Project. Death: Something to Talk About for gritLIT 2021. I am thrilled to meet both Dakshana Bascaramurty and Christa Couture and explore their experiences with loss and grief as we discuss their exquisite memoirs.

An all-too-familiar certainty, grief is an emotion that’s difficult for most of us to put into words. In This Is Not the End of Me, Dakshana Bascaramurty documents the final years of a husband and father diagnosed with terminal cancer at age 33. In How to Lose Everything, Christa Couture shares her own excruciating loss, including the amputation of her leg as a cure for bone cancer and the death of two children.

Join me on April 18th at 2pm as I ask these brilliant authors to discuss the challenges of talking and writing about grief and how the process of doing so helps with healing.

#gritLIT2021

November 17th is National Bereavement Day 2020 in Canada

Grief and bereavement support is an essential element of care for individuals and families of all ages.

This year, the Canadian Hospice Palliative Care Association (CHPCA) invites Canadians on a shared journey that fosters compassion and encourages them to cope with their grief by supporting each other through living and grieving. We might be physically distant, but grief brings us together. We learn to live with the loss and grief in ways that maintain and honour our bond with the person who died but don’t limit our capacity for joy, pleasure and a meaningful life. At this trying time, we might be physically distant, but we are emotionally, spiritually and socially connected through our grief. Source: CHPCA

For more information, visit: CHPCA

The Saturation of Grief in the time of COVID, Honouring Loss and Exploring Healing

Honoured to present "The Saturation of Grief in the time of COVID, Honouring Loss and Exploring Healing" for Ethics and Diversity Grand Rounds organized by Ethics & Care Ecologies Program at Hamilton Health Sciences with Dr. Andrea Frolic.

Exploring universal yet unique experiences of loss and grief in healthcare, alongside the stigma, and creating brave spaces for healing is essential - for ALL involved - especially now.

Loss in the time of COVID: Exploring the Impact of Grief in the Year of the Nurse

I am deeply grateful to Nurses everywhere - for all that you do for so many and am truly honoured to join the compassionate clinicians in the Palliative Care Nurses Interest Group for the Registered Nurses'​ Association of Ontario (RNAO) virtual AGM on June 11th 2020 to present “Loss in the time of COVID: Exploring the Impact of Grief in the Year of the Nurse”.

EXPLORING GRIEF AND LOSS LITERACY: SUPPORTING AND EMPOWERING SCHOOL COMMUNITIES

Am thrilled to be offering a full-day of training on Feb. 1st for the Halton District School Board on “EXPLORING GRIEF AND LOSS LITERACY: SUPPORTING AND EMPOWERING SCHOOL COMMUNITIES”

Will be honoured to be present with so many professionals as we spend the day exploring: 

- Grief and Loss Literacy (related to dying, death and non-death losses)

- Stigma Related to Illness, Dying, Grief

- The Dialogue of Loss

- Support Across School Communities

- Promoting Capacity & Engagement

- Opportunities for Self-Care

Looking forward to sharing some brilliant resources!

Ways to Survive the Holiday Season When You're Grieving

"The holiday season hurts. That is just reality. Whether you are missing someone who should be part of the festivities, or you are missing someone who shared your love of quiet acknowledgment over raucous partying, this season will add some to your grief. But there are ways to make it gentler for yourself..." via Megan Devine, Refuge In Grief

To read the full article, please visit: https://www.refugeingrief.com/2018/12/14/ways-to-survive-the-holiday-season-when-youre-grieving/

Free Family Event Celebrating Life, Death and Meaningful Connections

Grief and Loss impacts Everyone.

Am honoured to co-host and co-facilitate this free public event. In support of Children's Grief Awareness Day and National Bereavement Day, "The 100% Certainty Project – Death: Something to Talk About" is hosting a FREE public event for parents and children at the Hamilton Public Library. Please join us for:

- a reading of the children’s book The Funeral by Matt James, award-winning Author

- a creative family activity exploring grief, loss and meaningful connections

- grief and bereavement resources from Canadian Hospice Palliative Care Association & Canadian Virtual Hospice

CBC Books on The Funeral: "This sensitive and life-affirming story will lead young readers to ask their own questions about life, death and how we remember those who have gone before us"

Please note, this is not a counselling session or grief support group.

While this is a free event, registration is REQUIRED via:  https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/free-public-event-for-parents-and-children-on-grief-and-bereavement-tickets-50531981517

Exploring the Language of Loss: Caring, Supporting and Empowering

Honoured to offer "Exploring the Language of Loss: Caring, Supporting and Empowering" as the Opening Keynote for the PalCare Network 2018 Fall Symposium.

This workshop will explore the language of loss while also examining tools and resources to support individuals, families, and ourselves. 

Objectives:
1. Examine the impact of loss in person and family-centred care
2. Encourage the caregiver to engage in the dialogue of loss
3. Explore self-care as an essential element of professional practice 

For more information about the PalCare 2018 Fall Symposium, or to register, please visit: http://www.palcarenetwork.org/

From Diagnosis to Bereavement: Engaging the Public Across the Continuum

Excited to present "From Diagnosis to Bereavement: Engaging the Public Across the Continuum" at the 2018 Partners in Care: Central West Palliative Care Network Annual Conference. 

LEARNING OBJECTIVES:
1. Consider systems challenges impacting care of people facing dying and loss;
2. Examine psychosocial implications for individuals, families and healthcare providers facing illness, grief and bereavement; 
3. Explore compassionate community events as essential opportunities to engage the public following a life-limiting diagnosis through to bereavement. 

For more information, or to register, please visit: http://cwpcn.ca/en/annual-conference/

Exploring the Faces of Loss: Caring, Supporting, Empowering

Excited to facilitate this interactive workshop at the 11th Annual Day in Faculty Development with the Faculty of Health Sciences at McMaster University.

This interactive workshop will engage learners and faculty by exploring the common language of loss through different scenarios while also examining tools and resources to support families, learners and ourselves.

Objectives:

1. Examine the impact of loss in person and family-centred care
2. Encourage the learner to engage in the dialogue of loss
3. Explore self care as an essential element of professional practice

For information, or to register, please visit: https://fhs.mcmaster.ca/facdev/online_registration.html

Do you know a grieving child or youth (aged 6-17) who could benefit from support?

Do you know a grieving child or youth (aged 6-17) who could benefit from support?

Am proud to be the new Clinical Director for Camp Erin Hamilton and want to share information regarding this extraordinary free camp. 

Camp Erin is a FREE weekend bereavement camp (held annually in June) for children and teens ages 6-17 who are grieving the death of someone close to them (parent, caregiver, sibling). Campers participate in fun, traditional camp activities combined with grief education and emotional support, led by expert bereavement professionals and trained volunteers.

The following short videos capture Camp Erin Hamilton and highlights some of the kids and teens sharing the brilliant range of experiences that both normalize their thoughts and feelings and further empower them to cope with grief and loss.

If you know a grieving child or teen (6-17 yo) who would benefit from this experience, camper applications are now being accepted. Camper applications are due March 26th.

For more information, please watch the following video, or visit Dr. Bob Kemp Hospice or https://kemphospice.org/camp-erinfor details and application forms. 

Camp Erin: Where Children and Teens Learn to Grieve and Heal

Am honoured to volunteer with Camp Erin. It is indeed a remarkable community and one that nurtures capacity in children and youth to grieve the death of a loved one.

"Children and teens ages 6-17 attend a transformational weekend camp that combines traditional, fun camp activities with grief education and emotional support, free of charge for all families. Led by grief professionals and trained volunteers, Camp Erin provides a unique opportunity for youth to increase levels of hope, enhance self-esteem, and especially to learn that they are not alone.

Camp Erin is offered in every Major League Baseball city as well as additional locations across the U.S. and Canada. The Moyer Foundation partners with hospices and bereavement organizations to bring hope and healing to thousands of grieving children and teens each year.

Camp Erin allows youth to:

• Tell their story in a safe environment
• Process grief in healthy ways
• Meet friends facing similar circumstances
• Learn they are not alone
• Build a tool-box of coping skills
• Honor and memorialize loved ones
• Have fun!"

Source: Camp Erin. The Moyer Foundation 

For information on Camp Erin locations in Ontario, please visit: Camp Erin Hamilton; Camp Erin Toronto; Camp Erin Eastern Ontario; Camp Erin Montreal

What people talk about before they die

“I visit people who are dying -- in their homes, in hospitals, in nursing homes. And if you were to ask me the same question -- What do people who are sick and dying talk about with the chaplain? -- I, without hesitation or uncertainty, would give you the same answer. Mostly, they talk about their families: about their mothers and fathers, their sons and daughters.

They talk about the love they felt, and the love they gave. Often they talk about love they did not receive, or the love they did not know how to offer, the love they withheld, or maybe never felt for the ones they should have loved unconditionally.”