"In the end, the more people are ready to have the talk, the more likely it is that the medical industry will offer care that accounts for the vast, nuanced, and fluid decision points facing patients who are short on time.
Dying, after all, is complicated, hard business, and dying well is more complicated, and harder".
"There is no inevitability in life that we are less prepared for than death. Where is our guidance for this universal event that every one us will face? Why don't we teach people how to die? Why don't we teach people how to live after someone they love has died? We need to change this. We need to equip people with the tools they will need to cope. This is part of what end of life doulas do. We talk about death, with the living and the dying".
"One night recently, alone in bed, I read “A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis, and I came across the observation that “bereavement is not the truncation of married love but one of its regular phases.” He writes that “what we want is to live our marriage well and faithfully through that phase, too.” Yes, I breathed. Bereavement is more than learning to separate from a spouse. Though I can no longer comfort Paul, the other vows I made on our wedding day — to love Paul, to honor and keep him — stretch well beyond death. The commitment and loyalty, my desire to do right by him, especially as I raise our daughter, will never end".
Lucy Kalanithi is an internist at Stanford University’s Clinical Excellence Research Center. She wrote the epilogue to her late husband Paul Kalanithi’s forthcoming book, “When Breath Becomes Air.”
"Of course, this is a tough concept for kids this age to comprehend but it's much worse to shield them from this ritual".
"Have the boys 'got over the worst of it'? Who knows? We take every day as it comes. We are on a journey that takes us on a bumpy and unpredictable ride, with little in the way of helpful signage. Just because we have faced a huge trauma, does not mean that we are exempt from facing further difficulties en route".
This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. Writing for the future. Recording conversations Rachel has a passion for honest conversations, and recognises the precious and precarious nature of life. She supports families when an adult develops cancer and helps those at the end of life to tell their story.
"When life runs out of tomorrow's, what you realize you've got is today" ~ Rachel L. Smith
Before the tomorrow's run out, use this opportunity today to think about what you will you say to your loved ones... And then say it...
"Few things are as powerful as the bond between brothers and sisters. The connection can often seem unbreakable, until tested by tragedy. Without a doubt, when a child loses a sibling, it can prove a very difficult journey. But with love and support, a child can weather this journey in time.
A guiding presence ensures they process and mourn in a healthy way. While each child’s needs are unique, all parents and guardians can keep these tips in mind when discussing the loss of their sibling".
Click on the photo to access resources on this topic.
"Lily Nash's mum, Claire, died only four months ago from breast cancer. Since then, Lily, aged 10, has been meeting with Esther Gwynne once a week for bereavement counselling”.
Click on Lily's photo to read more as she shares her story...
“An important question to consider is this: If we can’t deal with our fears of death, living in the background of our lives, how can we live fully in life? This quote explains it well.
‘Normally we do not like to think about death. We would rather think about life. Why reflect on death? When you start preparing for death you soon realize that you must look into your life now… and come to face the truth of your self. Death is like a mirror in which the true meaning of life is reflected’ ~Sogyal Rinpoche
Through tools, resources, information and perspectives, GriefandMourning.com assists open-hearted and open-minded people in living a richer, satisfying and more fulfilling life.
GriefandMourning.com caters to all humans, regardless of background. Its views are non-denominational in nature, and are considered to be perspectives only. All perspectives welcome, as long as they empower and contribute in a positive way”.
"The mission and goals of Courageous Parents Network originate in my experience parenting my daughter Cameron following her diagnosis of Tay-Sachs at the age of six-months. Tay-Sachs is a rare and incurable genetic illness that always ends in early childhood death... But, in its way, it made everything that followed possible.
We did more than survive. Despite the profound sadness of watching our beautiful daughter lose all cognitive and physical abilities, Charlie and I were able to live fully into her short life. Despite the fear we had of losing her, we were prepared to accept, face and allow her pending death. And despite the Whoosh that poured from our life and our home when we watched her die, we were able to heal and, in time, emerge from the dark fog of grief that surrounded our family.
Courageous Parents Network is about bringing these phenomena to other families who are caring for children with serious illness. It is about providing parents with the skills, tools and virtual support they need to cope and adapt during their child’s illness journey so as to make the impossible possible".
Click on the Butterfly to access resource materials, information and support for grieving Children and Youth.
"Children's Grief Awareness Day seeks to bring attention to the fact that often support can make all the difference in the life of a grieving child. It provides an opportunity for all of us to raise awareness of the painful impact that the death of a loved one has in the life of a child, an opportunity to make sure that these children receive the support they need".
"It all started one stupid, rotten day when everything went wrong…
Peter the cow is having a BAD day. After missing the bus and wiping out on his bike he loses his temper and gets in trouble. To make matters worse all the other kids are teasing him, calling him Moody Cow. Peter’s day just seems to get worse until his grandfather comes over and teaches him how to settle his mind and let go of his frustration through a simple and fun exercise. This vibrant and funny children’s book is a playful way to introduce children to the power of meditation. With full color illustrations by the author, Moody Cow Meditates is a wonderful book for parents and children to share together.
Look for the Moody Cow Mind Jar App for iPhone and iPad, available in the App Store and iTunes!"
"It's hard to talk to children and teens about death and dying, particularly when someone they love has died or might die soon. Our instinct as caring adults may be to shelter them from painful truths. Yet as Dr. Wolfelt emphasizes, what kids need most is our honesty and our loving presence.
This practical and compassionate handbook includes dozens of suggested phrases to use with preschoolers, school-agers, and teenagers as you explain death in general or the death of a parent, a sibling, a grandparent, or a pet. Other chapters include possible words and ideas to draw on when you are talking to kids about a death by suicide, homicide, or terminal illness. At times grown-ups must also have very difficult conversations with dying children; this book offers guidance. A final chapter discusses how to talk with kids about funerals, burial, and cremation".
"Although some people hope to remain at home for the duration of their illness, many people find that admission to an inpatient setting can also be helpful. The inpatient care settings in the directory include palliative care units, residential hospices and dedicated palliative care beds within local hospitals. Inpatient hospice palliative care support includes 24 hour care, specialist pain and symptom management and psychosocial support for patients and families.
The map provides access to a directory which includes more information about inpatient hospice palliative care settings across Ontario. The list of facilities below may not be complete - there may be hospice palliative care settings which are not in the directory.
For contact information and details about the facility, click on a specific location. If you want more information, contact the hospice or palliative care program directly".
“Emergencies can happen at any time, leaving you too injured or ill to communicate decisions about your medical treatment. MyDirectives helps you create your own emergency medical care plan for your family and doctors so they can make decisions on your behalf".
"There are a few simple things I wish I had taken care of before my life went sideways, like a will, living will, and some details jotted down. Should the ground fall out from under your feet—plan now for a softer landing. In fact, it's easy to finish the planning and basic papers your life needs.
In 2009 my husband was killed in an accident. In the following hours, weeks, and months I was shocked by the number of things we had left disorganized or ignored. Critical documents you can spend a fraction of the time doing now. Here are those core items, streamlined.
GYST™ now and breathe a huge sigh of relief. You can do it".
"Imagine a time when hospice palliative care is available to Canadians when and where they need it; where living well until death is the goal of care".
"Changing culture is a process. Awareness and understanding of palliative care is often limited, yet the benefits are discernible from better quality of life to care more consistent with patient preferences, to more recent data indicating improved survival. My experience with palliative medicine as a first-year medical student has made me realize how vital palliative care education could be for all medical students".
" 'Adapting to loss is as much a part of us as grief itself,' said Dr. Shear, who directs the Center for Complicated Grief at the Columbia University School of Social Work. With complicated grief, 'something gets in the way of that adaptation, Something impedes the course of healing.’
By diagnosing complicated grief just six months after a death, he said, 'you’ll get a lot of normal people receiving treatment they don’t need,' including drugs. Dr. Shear also worries about “pathologizing” normal emotions. But when a woman remains unable to leave her home or answer the phone four years after the death of her adult son, as was true of one patient, something has clearly gone wrong.
‘If you’re worried about what you’re experiencing, if you’re not getting more engaged in life and people around you are saying, ‘Honey, stop wallowing in it,’ why not get some help?' Dr. Shear said. Complicated grief therapy, developed by her center, showed greater effectiveness among older adults than interpersonal psychotherapy in a clinical trial".
