Holding Exquisite Presence When Supporting Children and Their Families Who are Grieving

I was incredibly honoured to join my compassionate friend and dear colleague, Rami Shami, in a creative space, talking about the need for grief to come out of the shadows.

“How we support children and youth in their grief can have a lasting impact on their mental, emotional, even physical health. Joining us on this podcast is an individual who draws on her knowledge and experiences as an educator, a clinician in private practice, and a mother, in sharing how to hold what she calls, 'exquisite presence,' when supporting children and youth who are grieving. Her approach, garnered through decades of in the field work within numerous settings, highlights practical and informative insights into the disenfranchisement of grief amongst children, and how promoting safe spaces can help children process their experiences of loss. Join us for an exceptional informative and educational podcast!”

Source: The Lighthouse Beacon Podcast

FREE Death Café at the David Braley Health Sciences Centre, McMaster University

In celebration of Advance Care Planning Day 2024, I am honoured to co-facilitate a FREE Death Café at the David Braley Health Sciences Centre, together with Dr. Alan Taniguchi, McMaster University on behalf of The 100% Certainty Project. Death: Something to Talk About.

Registration is required for this FREE Death Café on Wednesday March 27th (6-8pm) via Eventbrite

Death Café is an international movement where people, often strangers, gather to eat, drink tea and discuss death. The objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’.

At Death Café, you can expect a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group. Please note that Death Café is NOT a grief support group, nor is this a grief counselling session.

Death Café is a respectful, public event where people of all communities and belief systems are welcome to have respectful discussions about death.

Interesting conversation is guaranteed! For more information, please visit Death Café

It is National Grief and Bereavement Day in Canada

The third Tuesday in November marks National Grief and Bereavement Day in Canada. Especially on this day, the Canadian Hospice Palliative Care Association (CHPCA) encourages Canadians to engage all sectors of society in dialogues to raise #awareness, identify and #support access to a range of necessary resources for anyone facing loss, grief and bereavement.

Reach Out, Support the Grief Journey. When someone we know is faced with grief, we can often find ourselves at a loss for words. We may be unsure of how to support friends, family, or colleagues going through a difficult journey. But here’s the truth: You have the power to make sure they are not facing grief alone. Our actions can provide solace and connection when needed most.

National Grief and Bereavement Day calls upon all of us to reach out and move alongside those around us on a grief journey. It’s a day to take action, to be present for someone who needs support, even when words fail. For those who may feel uncomfortable with grief, who never quite know what to say, or are uncertain about what to do to help, there are things you can do, big or small, that can make a world of difference for someone in your life who is grieving.

Reaching out with simple gestures of kindness can make a profound #impact. Small but thoughtful actions can bridge the gap between isolation and healing. Even when it feels as though there’s nothing you can say, your actions speak volumes to people in your life navigating grief and loss. 

Together, let’s break the silence surrounding grief. Let’s move alongside those around us on a journey with grief. Join us on National Grief and Bereavement Day as we collectively learn to reach out, offering genuine support and compassion to those around us.

Source: CHPCA

Demystifying Grief and Honouring Loss: Exploring Healing While Caring for Others and Ourselves

I am incredibly honoured to deliver Virtual Palliative Care Grand Rounds, “Demystifying Grief and Honouring Loss: Exploring Healing While Caring for Others and Ourselves” at University Hospitals, Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine.

In healthcare we move through an array of experiences, navigating acute emergencies, illness, death and a myriad of non-death losses, for ourselves, for all we love, and all we serve.

What about experiences that cannot be cured or fixed? As Dr. Kenneth Doka states, “Grief is a reaction to loss. We often confuse it as a reaction to death. It’s really just a very natural reaction to loss. When we lose any significant form of attachment, it’s the process of adjusting”.

There is no closure or “getting over” loss, nor are there finite timelines in grief.

We continue to grieve someone (or something) after loss and the cumulative effects and secondary losses that follow. Grieving the loss means learning to move forward, integrate, and metabolize the loss(es), while honouring the connection in meaningful and supportive ways.

In the face of trauma, loss and uncertainty, it can feel overwhelming to consider moving forward. Tedeschi & Calhoun highlight the importance (and benefit) of Post-Traumatic Growth, specifically:

• Traumatic events are not viewed as desirable

• Stories of others moving through trauma are always important in post-traumatic growth

• Strength is often correlated almost paradoxically, following an increased sense of being vulnerable

In Kitchen Table Wisdom, Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen writes, “The expectation that we can be immersed in suffering and loss daily and not be touched by it is as unrealistic as expecting to be able to walk through water without getting wet.”

There is healing power in connecting with the voices and stories of others. I am grateful to share a space to honour healing in healthcare, in the face of grief, loss, connection and community.

About Childhood Grief FREE Resource

About Childhood Grief

“The death of a family member, friend or other significant person is a lifelong loss for children. It is normal for children to miss the person who died and to experience grief that might come and go with different levels of intensity for some time after the death. It can be challenging to parents and caregivers to know what to do for, what to say to and how to help children who are obviously hurting. Here are a few suggestions about how to be helpful to a grieving child based on research and practice among children’s grief support professionals and volunteers. It is important to note that grief reactions in children are varied, wide ranging and unique to each individual.” 

The following suggestions will help guide you as you seek to be provide understanding and compassion to children living with grief:

• Grief is a normal reaction for children to the death of someone significant

• Children need to know the truth. Most parents and caregivers would agree that they would prefer that their children not have to deal with the difficult truths that might accompany a death

• Each child’s grief is as unique to him or her as was their relationship with the deceased

• Grieving children often feel alone and misunderstood

• Children will experience grief over the death of significant people at different times throughout their lives

• Grieving children often experience personal growth as a result of their loss

• Grieving children feel less alone when they are with other children who have experienced the death of a significant person and when they have loving, consistent adults in their lives

• Knowledge is Power

Source “About Childhood Grief” via NACG

FREE Individual Student Bereavement Plan

Returning to school can be a time of tremendous grief bursts - both expected and unexpected: from completing emergency contact forms after a parent/caregiver has died (is dying) or absent in any capacity; seeing families together when a parent or sibling is in hospital, hospice or is no longer present; witnessing the range of emotions when people talk about summer experiences filled with joy and connection when grief, loss, an accident, illness and absence has been their experience instead… While not readily visible, grief will continue to influence the life of a student impacted by loss (as they live with navigating the ongoing impact of grief & grieving).

You can access the FREE Individual Student Bereavement Plan via NACG

“This document is a resource for supporting students returning to school after they have experienced the death of a significant person in their lives. When a student returns to school, they may feel alone and challenged by the task of engaging with their daily routine. Schools are in a unique position to provide support for students with thoughtful plans specific to the individual’s needs. Students grieve developmentally, and their needs are unique and changing throughout the days, months, and years ahead. Those students that need and receive grief support have improved outcomes socially, emotionally, and academically.” Source “Individual Student Bereavement Plan”

Source: NACG

Undergraduate Medical Education: From White Coat to Blue Gown

I was incredibly honoured to once again facilitate this annual lecture in memory of Dr. Barbara Tatham at the Michael G. DeGroote School of Medicine at McMaster University.

Barbara was a medical student at McMaster University and went on to become an innovative Family and Emergency Room Physician and collaborative Medical Educator. After enduring a courageous battle with cancer, at the age of 32, Barbara died on October 16, 2019, a few short weeks after delivering her final extraordinary undergraduate medical education lecture, Barbara left us with her last lecture, a precious legacy, recorded at McMaster, selflessly demonstrating her indomitable spirit and compassion.

We have been fortunate to maintain contact with Barbara’s family since 2019. Their hope is that medical students while remembering Barbara’s empathy, will consider their own humanity as they go on to care for patients, families and themselves.

Medical Education: Honouring life, love, loss and legacy at McMaster University

Incredibly honoured to facilitate the Annual Dr. Barbara Tatham Memorial Lecture & thank her sisters Erica, Deanna & Laura for joining us to demystify grief, honour loss & explore healing while caring for others and ourselves. Honouring Dr. Tatham's life, legacy and brilliant contributions to Medical Education at McMaster University.

Honouring person and family-centred care is ESSENTIAL from time of diagnosis, throughout treatment, into remission, at end-of-life, and into bereavement.

A cancer diagnosis is traumatizing. Finding community, support and connection is essential in the face of trauma. Stories of others moving through trauma are always important in post-traumatic growth (Tedeschi & Calhoun). Strength is often correlated, almost paradoxically, following an increased sense of being vulnerable - of being human.

Today, please take a moment to connect with your breath, honour your strengths and make space for who and what matters most in your life. ❤️

Today is the Annual #TerryFoxRun. To support Dr. Tatham's life, legacy and indomitable spirit in the face of cancer, please donate to #TeamBarb https://run.terryfox.ca/team/teambarb

Loss in the Time of COVID: Exploring the Impact of Grief

Honoured to deliver Loss in the Time of COVID: Exploring the Impact of Grief as the Keynote address at Trillium Health Partners in support of National Hospice Palliative Care Week in Canada.

My sincere gratitude to everyone who joined our discussion via Zoom, for sharing time, reflections and energy - and for acknowledging the impact of trauma, loss and grief for healthcare providers as we continue to serve so many facing trauma, loss and grief during the pandemic.

Best Oral Paper Award at #HPCO2022!

Incredibly honoured as the Clinical Lead to receive the Best Oral Paper Award at #HPCO2022 Hospice Palliative Care Ontario Annual Provincial Conference with our incredible interprofessional team: Ann Vander Berg, Allyson Oliphant, and champion for our project - Dr. Andrea Folic for "Care Beyond Walls: Innovation, Implementation and Evaluation of a Medical Assistance in Dying-Specific Bereavement Support Group for Caregivers"

The ARQ of Grief Support

The ARQ of Grief Support:

1. Awareness

2. Reflection

3. Questions
   

The ARQ of Grief Support via NACG, The Dougy Center & KinderCare is a framework you can use to create meaningful, supportive interactions with children, teens and adults facing grief, loss & grieving

Source: https://childrengrieve.org/12-resource/309-resources-2

C. Elizabeth Dougherty Consulting - Winter 2022 Newsletter

I am honoured to share my winter 2022 newsletter with free resources for individuals and families of all ages facing a complex illness, following diagnosis through to bereavement.

I am also grateful to also share teaching experiences including: undergraduate and graduate Social Work Education; undergraduate interdisciplinary education; and Interprofessional Education for healthcare providers and volunteers exploring informed conversations, honouring person and family-centred care, demystifying grief, and advocating for high-quality palliative care.

Join the movement to #UnderstandGrief

Join the #UnderstandGrief movement! Here's how:

1. Advocate that grief is not a mental disorder; our social and cultural context impacts how we grieve. Question the narrative of “mental disorders” and consider all the factors that can contribute to how a person responds to the death of someone in their lives.

2. Consider the language you use and how it can impact people. People who are grieving often receive patronizing responses to “move on” or “find closure” when what they need most is to feel understood.

3. Educate others about being grief-informed. Share the 10 core principles of being grief-informed.

4. Broaden the dialogue about the need for diversity and inclusivity in grief research and support. We need to reach beyond limited and narrow perspectives to understand and support how grief is experienced by people of different beliefs, cultures, ethnicities, backgrounds, abilities, and experiences.

5. Challenge myths about grief. Grief doesn’t follow an orderly path. When someone is grieving, don’t impose expectations on them about how they should feel or respond, or how long their grief should last. Every experience of loss is different.

6. Acknowledge and address the injustices of labels. Rather than labeling people who are grieving with a mental disorder, consider framing the challenges we face when we’re grieving as just that: challenges we experience when coping with the death of someone in our lives.

7. Recognize and acknowledge that every experience of loss is a unique experience. People will likely respond to the death of each person in their life differently because every relationship is unique. 

8. Strengthen relational connections. We need connections with others who are understanding and compassionate, especially when difficult and painful things happen.

9. Honour lived experience. To honour the lived experience of others involves offering the gift of nonjudgmental listening, open mindedness, and support.

10. Be compassionate with yourself and with others. One of the ways we can “walk our talk” is to demonstrate the same compassion toward ourselves that we hope others will have for themselves, particularly when we’re grieving.

Via The Dougy Center

What to say (and NOT to say) when someone is grieving

Most don't know what to say when someone is grieving. Here are some suggestions to offer a grieving parent, caregiver, or colleague. These questions can also be adapted for children.

via National Alliance for Grieving Children, The Dougy Center and KinderCare Education

Thrilled to host "How We Talk About Grief" at gritLIT!

Am truly honoured to host “How We Talk About Grief” on behalf of The 100% Certainty Project. Death: Something to Talk About for gritLIT 2021. I am thrilled to meet both Dakshana Bascaramurty and Christa Couture and explore their experiences with loss and grief as we discuss their exquisite memoirs.

An all-too-familiar certainty, grief is an emotion that’s difficult for most of us to put into words. In This Is Not the End of Me, Dakshana Bascaramurty documents the final years of a husband and father diagnosed with terminal cancer at age 33. In How to Lose Everything, Christa Couture shares her own excruciating loss, including the amputation of her leg as a cure for bone cancer and the death of two children.

Join me on April 18th at 2pm as I ask these brilliant authors to discuss the challenges of talking and writing about grief and how the process of doing so helps with healing.

#gritLIT2021

C. Elizabeth Dougherty Consulting Newsletter Winter 2021

Honoured to share my Winter 2021 newsletter including resources for individuals and families of all ages facing a complex illness, from diagnosis through to bereavement. Grateful to also share undergraduate and graduate Social Work education, along with medical education and interprofessional education for healthcare providers demystifying palliative care.

Today is Children's Grief Awareness Day (#GGAD)

CGAD is designed to help us all become more aware of the needs of grieving children teens and families — and of the benefits they obtain through the support of others. Children's Grief Awareness Day is an opportunity to make sure that grieving children receive the support they need.

Before they graduate from high school, one child out of every 20 children will have a parent die - and that number doesn't include those who experience the death of a brother or sister, a close grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or friend.

Grieving children often feel set apart, different from their peers, alone and not understood. Every school and every community has children who have experienced some type of loss. Even if they keep their loss and experience to themselves, there are many children who are grieving among us.

These children can be helped to not feel so alone. Children and adults together can show their support for grieving children and show their awareness of what grieving children might be going through by participating in Children's Grief Awareness Day.

Source: CGAD. For more information or resources, visit: https://www.childrensgriefawarenessday.org/cgad2/about/index.shtml

DID YOU KNOW???? On CGAD, the CN Tower / La Tour CN will be illuminated in blue to raise awareness of this important issue

Free M.A.i.D Bereavement Support Group (online)

This Virtual MAiD Bereavement Support Group is free and offered to anyone (+18yo) in Ontario following the death of a loved one via MAiD. While we wish we could offer this group in-person, the support will now be provided online in light of COVID-19 restrictions.

Am grateful to be part of the development team and one of the co-facilitators for this group. This group is being co-facilitated by myself and a spiritual care provider and is limited in that we can only offer unilingual support (English speaking). We also appreciate this means that someone must have access to a phone or WiFi and understand that not everyone has that luxury.

People can self-refer. The program will run for 4 weeks starting November 25th. We intentionally take a break over the holidays and reconvene to offer the remaining 4 weeks in January to continue to process and honour the range of loss experiences and explore compassionately moving forward.

The contact information for self-referral is on the attached poster. Spaces are limited. For more information, call (905) 521 2100 x73621 or email adras@hhsc.ca

November 17th is National Bereavement Day 2020 in Canada

Grief and bereavement support is an essential element of care for individuals and families of all ages.

This year, the Canadian Hospice Palliative Care Association (CHPCA) invites Canadians on a shared journey that fosters compassion and encourages them to cope with their grief by supporting each other through living and grieving. We might be physically distant, but grief brings us together. We learn to live with the loss and grief in ways that maintain and honour our bond with the person who died but don’t limit our capacity for joy, pleasure and a meaningful life. At this trying time, we might be physically distant, but we are emotionally, spiritually and socially connected through our grief. Source: CHPCA

For more information, visit: CHPCA

C. Elizabeth Dougherty Consulting 2020 Newsletter