"We tend to defer the question of living or dying well until it’s too late to answer. This might be the scariest thing about death: coming to die only to discover, in Thoreau’s words, that we haven’t lived."
Why Talking About Death Is the Key to the Longevity Revolution
"Now, in the midst of a longevity revolution with a passion to create new rituals and connections that help a community to, yes, thrive, we are recognizing that dying is also a profound and shared human experience. Its time to talk about it."
Why Talking About Death Is the Key to the Longevity Revolution by Ellen Goodman
Tips for Coping with Grief at the Holidays @WhatsYourGrief
"Because the holidays are tough for all of us, the least we can do are share our tips and tricks with one another to make the season just a smidge more tolerable." ~What's Your Grief
Why is it so hard to talk about dying? @whenyoudieorg #hpm
"When heading into the unknown unprepared, we humans are rarely at our most confident. And when it comes to death, we have plenty of reason to feel anxious. It’s times like these that we need to hear from those who’ve gone before us. And that’s what our latest WYD In Focus provides: candid accounts from family members and caregivers who’ve been present at the deaths of loved ones—because understanding what happens at the bedside might surprise you."
Source: When You Die
Children's Grief Awareness Day November 17, 2016 #CGADHOPE
"Children's Grief Awareness Day is designed to help us all become more aware of the needs of grieving children — and of the benefits they obtain through the support of others. Children's Grief Awareness Day is an opportunity to make sure that grieving children receive the support they need.”
A framework designed to guarantee all Canadians access to high-quality palliative care
This enactment provides for the development and implementation of a framework designed to guarantee all Canadians access to high-quality palliative care.
1. This Act may be cited as the Framework on Palliative Care in Canada Act.
Development and implementation
2. (1) The Minister of Health must, in consultation with the representatives of the provincial and territorial governments responsible for health, as well as with palliative care providers, develop and implement a framework designed to give Canadians access to palliative care — provided through hospitals, home care, long-term care facilities and residential hospices — that, among other things,
(a) defines what palliative care is;
(b) identifies the palliative care training and education needs of palliative health care providers;
(c) identifies measures to support palliative caregivers;
(d) collects research and data on palliative care;
(e) identifies measures to facilitate a consistent access to palliative care across Canada; and
(f) evaluates the advisability of amending the Canada Health Actto include palliative care services provided through home care, long term care facilities and residential hospices.
Source: Parliament of Canada
The End Game: Conversations about Life and Death. A Free Public Event. Oct. 2nd 2016
Please join us as we host this free event. For many people, talking about end-of-life is uncomfortable or even taboo. But sooner or later, we all die. This is an upbeat, interactive session that provides evidence-based tools regarding advance care planning, hospice, palliative and end-of-life care. Let's talk. Do you have an End Game?
For more information or to register, please visit Eventbritehttps://www.eventbrite.ca/e/the-end-game-conversations-about-life-and-death-tickets-27665945588?aff=efbevent
‘Extremis’ Trailer: Netflix Documentary Examines Realities of End-of-Life Care
"The realities of death are not easy to confront. That much is clear in the trailer Netflix just released for “Extremis,” an original documentary short exploring the harrowing decisions families must make for their loved ones in urgent end-of-life cases relying on machine-based life support.
'We’re all gonna die…and it’s good to have a little bit of a say in how,' says Dr. Jessica Nutik Zitter, the palliative care physician featured in “Extremis,” as we see images of families, doctors and patients in the midst of facing death daily.
The trailer depicts the access granted to Oscar- and Emmy-winning filmmaker Dan Krauss (“The Kill Team”) into the ICU unit of an Oakland, California public hospital. Krauss attempts to intimately examine “the intersection of science, faith and humanity” by observing personal, real-time accounts of how complicated and emotionally wrought the dying process becomes when there are opportunities for choice in death.
The 24-minute film premiered at Tribeca Film Festival in April and the San Francisco International Film Festival on Saturday. “Extremis” is set to release globally on Netflix on September 13."
Source: IndieWire. September 6, 2016
Starting the Conversation: Death Cafe debuts in Burlington.
Tell someone you’re headed to a Death Café and no doubt their expression morphs into something between bewilderment and abject horror.
Odd words to toss together, and the name conjures up all sorts of somber, gloomy thoughts.
But Death Cafes are not morbid, depressing places, nor are they gathering spots for zombies. ‘Patrons’ don’t dress in black or ghoulishly discuss death while sipping tea.
Death Cafes are, in fact, respectful spaces where people of all ages can congregate to chat informally, often with complete strangers, about death and dying.
And who would choose to do that?
As it turns out, quite a few people; enough so, that there was a waiting list for the first ever Burlington Death Café last week at city hall.
The “very brave souls” and “trailblazers” - as organizers called attendees - ranged in age from their 40s to 80s.
Death Cafes are based on an “international movement” that originated in the UK and they are designed to begin a conversation about an uncomfortable, often taboo, subject – death.
There is no agenda or objectives at Death Cafes,” explained Roxanne Torbiak, of The End Game, which partnered with Carpenter Hospice to present the event. (Originally scheduled for the grounds outside city hall but moved indoors because of sweltering temperatures)
“It is simply a conversation that happens over coffee, tea and cake. Interesting conversation and laughter is guaranteed,” she said.
Among participants at the local Death Café were those whose professions routinely deal with death, but there were others from all walks of life and faiths who simply wanted to share and listen, people who felt the initiative an important conduit in opening up a very important discussion in the city.
“It’s really an introduction to the community. We want to create awareness and offer safe spaces for people to come together and talk about dying and death,” said C. Elizabeth Dougherty, a hospice palliative care social worker and educator.
“We want to reach out to everyone, all ages, and normalize it for people, whether they’ve been diagnosed with a life-limiting illness or whether they’re living healthy, fruitful lives.
“We want to create safe spaces for people to come together, to talk about their fears, their questions, their concerns, share their experience and really normalize this conversation.”
In their respective jobs as minister and palliative care consultant, Joel Bootsma and Villy Simonetta are all too familiar with death.
“Some people are very grounded in faith and meet it with courage, even joy; some with fear or worry,” said Bootsma, a Christian Reform Church minister, who was “interested in finding out what the community is wrestling with over this issue.”
As witness to extremes in how people deal with dying and death, Simonetta loves the idea of taking that fear out of death.
“It is part of life. It’s a beautiful experience when we’re born and as we go through the journey of life, it’s something we’re facing so let’s face it the best way we can, spiritually, (and) with love (and) compassion,” said Simonetta.
“I’ve seen some incredibly beautiful experiences where families are prepared; they’re very spiritual and it’s an intimate bonding time. Whereas some families struggle so much, they don’t want to let go and I struggle with that too because I see their struggle. You’re trying to support them in that whole process.”
In Buddhism, it’s about making death peaceful and quiet so one can let go of this world easily, commented Deborah Klassen, centre director of a Tibetan Buddhist Centre.
Participant Ann Dion was “privileged” to have been present for her husband’s, mother’s and mother-in-law’s death and
she feels strongly that the topic needs to be open and shared.
“We can’t be frightened because it’s there, it’s not going away,” said Dion. “(It’s like) If you don’t talk about it, it’s not going to happen.”
The Death Café was a natural supplement to Carpenter Hospice’s new Compassionate City Charter, said Bonnie Tompkins, Carpenter’s community health coordinator,
The hospice has based its charter on a UK model, and worked closely with the city to create “a framework of 12 social changes” to put Burlington on the path towards being a more compassionate city, said Tompkins.
“It’s all about building capacity in the community to support people because the reality is, the population is aging and the medical system can only do so much,” said Tompkins.
Many people don’t realize that healthcare professionals aren’t given training and education on dying and death and how to care beyond the medical model, or how to have those intimate, essential conversations about the psychosocial impacts of dying and death, said Dougherty.
“It’s about encouraging and empowering people to have these conversations with their families, friends and healthcare providers about advanced care planning, and their values and wishes for end of life care, said Dougherty, who co-founded The End Game, with Torbiak to provide professionally facilitated education and training sessions to normalize living and dying.
There is the demystifying piece to the movement, but the charter is also about embedding with community organizations to build bridges and links, said Tompkins.
“These conversations are so timely too because we know that only 16-30 per cent of Canadians actually have access to hospice palliative care services, so certainly funding and access is a concern,” said Dougherty.
Thankfully, she added, the quality of living and dying is on the national landscape, so it’s an especially important time to have these conversations, to raise awareness, and build a groundswell of public support.
Both Tompkins, who was sole caregiver for her terminally ill partner, and Dougherty, who has been immersed in palliative care for 17 years, said their experiences have taught them that open communication with loved ones is critical.
“Families are incredibly conflicted and very much wanting to be open and honest with each other, but the fear of not knowing what to say, or how to say it, or just the worry about the sadness. …denial is an incredible coping strategy for many people,” said Dougherty.
“The families I see that manage best certainly are those that have those open conversations, admittedly difficult conversations. It’s ok to be sad, it’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to be frustrated but it’s important to share what’s on your mind,” said Dougherty.
Last week marked the first Death Café in Burlington, but it’s certainly not the last, said Dougherty.
At the launch of the Compassionate City Charter this fall, organizers hope to have two simultaneous Death Cafes on Oct. 8, which happens to be World Hospice Palliative Care Day.
“We’re just getting started; we’re starting a revolution,” smiled Dougherty.
Death Cafe. Increasing awareness of death with a view to making the most of our lives. #DeathCafe
Carpenter Hospice and The End Game are pleased to invite you to Burlington's Death Cafe!
Death Cafe is an international movement where people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death. Our objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives'.
At Death Cafe, you can expect a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session. It is a respectful, open-air public event where people of all communities and belief systems are welcome to have discussions about death.
Interesting conversation is guaranteed!
Death Cafes are always offered:
1. On a not for profit basis
2. In an accessible, respectful and confidential space
3. With no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action
4. With coffee, tea and cake!
The Death Cafe model was developed by Jon Underwood and Sue Barsky Reid, based on the ideas of Bernard Crettaz. See more at: http://www.deathcafe.com
Please RSVP by July 20th as limited seating is available. For further information please contact:
(905) 631 9994 ext.138
Carpenter Hospice: Bonnie Tompkins commhlthcoord@thecarpenterhospice.com
The End Game: Roxanne Torbiak roxanne@theendgame.ca
Death cafes serve up life and death conversations. #DeathCafe
"Over a cup of coffee, a little cake — and sometimes beer — people meet to talk about death and fear of dying in the death cafe..."
Listen to this episode of The Current for more.
The End Game: Conversations about Life and Death #hpm #ACP
Throughout life, we celebrate milestones - weddings, births, anniversaries - but the milestone that we are most often afraid to confront is one of the most impactful - death.
For many people, talking about end-of-life is uncomfortable or even taboo. But sooner or later, we all face death. What fears are holding us back from having essential conversations that will improve our own lives and the lives of those we care about?
We understand that death is informed by the lived experience and want to create opportunities for the lived experience to be better informed. We have just launched a new series creating public forums to empower people to have conversations about living and dying. We want to foster opportunities for the general public, healthcare professionals, first responders, health science students, residents of long term care, financial planners, faith communities and community organizations to talk about living and dying. We strive to normalize conversations about living and dying in a non-judgemental, non-denominational, upbeat and interactive session. We aim to provide attendees the opportunity to consider their values and receive credible resources regarding advance care planning and end-of-life care.
For more details about our free event or to register please follow this link to EventBrite
#Palliative Care is not about #dying, but about quality of #living @JMyersPallCare #hpm
There are a multitude of misconceptions surrounding Palliative Care - what it is and what it isn't. Sadly, many are not open to the prospect of Palliative Care because it presented as a departure from "active care" or moreover they believe that Palliative Care is only provided at end of life. It is in fact so much more than that... I truly appreciate this article demystifying the scope and breadth of Palliative Care written by Dr. Jeff Myers, a Palliative Physician, empathic clinician, extraordinary advocate and educator...
"At a time when assisted dying dominates discussion about end-of-life care, I think it’s important to address public fears around palliative care so that people can use the information to improve their quality of life.
Palliative care is not what happens when all treatments have failed. It does not mean “giving up” or “stopping the fight.” If you are fighting cancer or Lou Gehrig’s disease, palliative care means a team of people — such as doctors, nurses, social workers and others — will help make sure you have what you need to continue fighting.
As a palliative care physician, I am deeply committed to improving end-of-life experiences for people and their families. My focus is not on the disease itself but on the impact it can have, like relieving the severity of symptoms with the overall goal of improving quality of life.
It’s my job to know what matters to you and to make sure you’re not spending time and energy on bothersome symptoms that needlessly wear you down. Pain is a good example: terrible pain from cancer can be exhausting, consume a ton of energy and is worse for the body than any medications aiming to manage the pain. There is no need for a person fighting cancer to also try fighting pain.
There is now very clear evidence that people who receive specialized palliative care actually live longer than those who do not. This is why it’s so important to understand that palliative care is not about giving up — far from it. It’s about living the very best you can for as long as you do."
How might we reimagine the end-of-life experience for ourselves and our loved ones? @OpenIDEO #hpm
“ ‘...I am asking that we make space – physical, psychic room, to allow life to play itself all the way out – so that rather than just getting out of the way, aging and dying can become a process of crescendo through to the end.’ ~ BJ Miller
Each of our lives is a story. As we plan for its final chapter, we have the opportunity to incorporate our passions, relationships, and spirituality to make dying better. How might we make this process more human-centered so we can live fully until the very end? Let’s re-imagine how we prepare for, share and live through the final chapter of our story.”
Talking About #Death Won’t Kill You. @Kathykm @TEDTalks #Death #Education #hpm
"An unconventional death educator with an equal parts wry and wise delivery style, Dr. Kathy Kortes-Miller is committed to showing her audience that talking about death and dying won’t kill you. Using stories and research, Kathy extends an invitation to view death as not a taboo subject - but rather a shared life experience. Audience members walk away with shifted perspectives and a deep understanding that talking about death, without knowing or needing all the “answers”, actually brings us closer to our loved ones than we ever imagined possible."
Hacking the #Hospital #Death. When you Can't #Die at #Home. @TheLizArmy #ACP
“Spoiler alert: we are all going to die
One thing I have noticed as an “empowered patient” is that most people don’t talk about death and dying. We might think about it, but we don’t plan in advance or communicate what we would want if we ever were put in a position where we could not speak for ourselves. I understand. It is an uncomfortable topic.
According to a 2012 report by the California Health Care Foundation, 82% of Californian’s think it is important to put your end of life wishes in writing, yet only 23% have done so. Why is this important?
For one thing, doctors are trained to save people, and without a medical order or an advance directive, a medical team will, by default, try to save your life by all methods possible…
As a relatively healthy 36-year-old, saving my life by all methods possible actually sounds like a good idea! But if I was dying, say from an advanced brain cancer, there is no amount of CPR in the world that is going to cure me of cancer…
The beginning of the end
…The medical team gave J medication to take away any pain he may experience. They removed his breathing tube, and unhooked all machines except for the one monitoring his heart beat. Quickly, his bed was moved to the sunny room where his friends, including myself, were waiting outside by the window.
As soon as the medical team cleared out we poured in. One person set up the speakers. Another friend was ready with the iPod. The door to the medical area was closed. The rest of us swarmed in around him: hands placed on his hands, his legs, his feet. The room was small, so some hovered around the perimeter and in the doorway to the open air…
We fell silent and the first song began…
A friend said “Orange Sky” held a lot of meaning for J. I had never heard this song, but now I will never forget it. I watched J’s heart rate decrease during the first two-thirds of the song, from the low 30s to zero. The monitor began to ding. A friend pushed a button, silencing the sounds. I held J’s feet.
We listened through the end of the song, with our faces on J’s, tears pouring out of our eyes. I was sobbing. We were devastated.
No one danced.
When the song ended there was silence.
Then the scene from a movie played out: A doctor wearing a white coat walked into the room. He donned a stethoscope and raised the end to J’s chest. His hand moved to various areas of our friend’s chest, and down and around to his stomach. He raised each of J’s eyelids to shine a flashlight into the pupils looking to see if they would constrict. The pupils did not move. The doctor looked at the clock and said, “It is 6:11. Take as long as you need.” He exited the room. End scene.
We all stood looking at J for a long time. Then the music began again… ‘We Could Be Heroes,’ by David Bowie.
The end
The best way to capture your healthcare preferences is by having a conversation with your loved ones, appointing a medical decision maker, and then documenting your preferences in an advance healthcare directive.”
Fraying at the Edges. A Life-changing diagnosis. #Alzheimer's @nytimes
“The Taylors hated the stealth that encased the disease, how it was treated like an unmentionable cousin. They wanted no part of that. Ms. Taylor decided that she would not show herself as some spackled-over person. “It was my decision to let the disease be alive in my life,” she said. “You don’t have to just throw in the towel.”
She didn’t know the order of whom she would tell, nor how to phrase something so shackled with frightful connotations. Your life becomes a script. Alzheimer’s, she knew, leaves its heavy imprint on everyone…
Just recently, Ms. Taylor had discovered the website To Whom I May Concern, the creation of Maureen Matthews, a psychiatric nurse. It arranges for people in the early stage of dementia to act out plays telling what it is like for them. Ms. Taylor clicked on some videos, at once felt the common spirit. The person saying, ‘People take that diagnosis and assume that you are now officially irrelevant.’ And: ‘It’s not that we want people to treat us as if we have Alzheimer’s. But at the same time we want people to recognize that we have it. Confusing, right? Welcome to our world.’ And: ‘The end stage is our future. But not today’.”
If You’re Grieving, You’re Not Alone. Here Are 15 Stories That May Help.
“There is no schedule for when you should feel certain emotions, or be over others. Choose to stand up for you and the rest of your life, and choose to move on. You don’t have to figure out how you’re going to get through the rest of your life. Just focus on staying in the game and moving forward now. It is normal to cry and be depressed, but you need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.”
.The Gift of Presence, the Perils of Advice @PARKERJPALMER
“Here’s the deal. The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed — to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. When we make that kind of deep bow to the soul of a suffering person, our respect reinforces the soul’s healing resources, the only resources that can help the sufferer make it through.
Aye, there’s the rub. Many of us ‘helper’ types are as much or more concerned with being seen as good helpers as we are with serving the soul-deep needs of the person who needs help. Witnessing and companioning take time and patience, which we often lack — especially when we’re in the presence of suffering so painful we can barely stand to be there, as if we were in danger of catching a contagious disease. We want to apply our ‘fix,’ then cut and run, figuring we’ve done the best we can to ‘save’ the other person.”
When the #Patient Won’t Ever Get Better @danielalamasmd #hpm #ACP
“In the early moments of critical illness, the choices seem relatively simple, the stakes high – you live or you die. But the chronically critically ill inhabit a kind of in-between purgatory state, all uncertainty and lingering. How do we explain this to families just as they breathe a sigh of relief that their loved one hasn’t died? Should we use the words “chronic critical illness”? Would it change any decisions if we were to do so? Here, I find that I am often at a loss.
I was quiet on the other end of the phone line that night. Was my patient stable? For the moment, she was. But with each event like this one, and there would be more, my patient would move further from the hope of ever reclaiming that life she had had in the fall: living in her own home, watching movies, cooking. I felt that I could see the weeks and months spooling out, a moment of calm, a new emergency. But this wasn’t the time to tell her daughter, not on the phone, not tonight.
And so I told her the truth – one truth, at least. Her mother was critically ill, but stable for the night”.